One of the highest compliments you can pay someone is to ask their opinion. It is something about asking and not assuming that creates connection and shows mutual respect.
First, when you ask questions, you give people an opportunity to share their perspectives, clarify their understanding, and give their opinion. Just by asking questions you show real interest, true concern, and genuine empathy. You show people that you care and we ALL need and want more of that, right?
But even though asking questions is so important and vital to the health of relationships, most people fail to do it.
Trust me…. when I am working with a client or a couple, it is easy to detect when questions are not being routinely asked.
How do I know? Because there is an accumulation of resentment, bitterness, regret, hostility, and loneliness. Barriers have been built, boundaries have been crossed, needs have not been met, priorities are not aligned, and momentum has been lost. Signs of decay, detachment, and death are evident.
Here’s the unfortunate truth: Most people make assumptions and make all types of conclusions about you and your needs without the benefit of an honest conversion. And, real conversations don’t happen WITHOUT TONS of questions.
When a person fails to ask or explain “why”, she/he is saying the following:
1). I am too much of a coward to ask an honest question and so I will stay safe and assume.
2). I am intellectually and emotionally lazy and I refuse to reflect so I will just assume or believe whatever somebody else tells me about you. Crazy right?
3). I fear YOUR answer, so I will just make up my own.
4). I don’t want to look at myself, so I will just point the finger at you.
5). I am too weak to handle your answer, so I will make up my own answers about you even if I don’t know you, understand you or ever had a conversation with you.
Here’s the bottom line. Assuming is a sign of weakness and disrespect.
Assuming does not honor you, does not honor the other person, does not honor the relationship and God knows, it does honor not the truth.
So, what can we do?
Let’s Dare to Soar Higher as we elevate our conversations by asking questions, the real questions so that we can obtain the information that we really want to know and need to know to strengthen our relationships.
If you need help identifying people who may have the capacity to be friends with you, maybe this brief questionnaire will help. Get it here:
And, join me on Saturday as Dr. Vikki Johnson and I discuss our bestselling book, Addicted to Counterfeit Love.
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Here are some more tips to help you determine if relationships are healthy. I hope it helps!