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All Money Ain’t Good Money!

My elders used to say that “all money ain’t good money”.  Of course, I didn’t believe them. When you are young and broke, all cash was good and all credit was wonderful.

 

But, life has a way of teaching you that money is not everything. In fact, money can bring misery if you overvalue it.  No, I am not saying that money is wrong; those lessons about money that many of us learned in bible study were based on flawed teaching.

 

Money is good; we need money. The challenge is that we MUST evaluate if more money will result in us having LESSless life, less happiness and less autonomy. Trust me, more money does not mean MORE of everything else; it can actually mean having LESS. That’s why we must consider if having more really brings more.

 

So, before you sign that contract, accept that agreement, ask for that raise, accept that promotion, take on that new client or get into a new relationship, ask yourself….is the money worth it? Ask yourself…

 

Is this money really worth the mess?

Is the money I earn worth the misery I will endure?

Will the blessing today feel like a burden tomorrow?

Is this the most effective use of my time, talent, and treasure?

Am I saying “ I do” when  “I don’t”, “ I won’t”, “ I can’t” and “ I am not even interested”?

Will the dollars be worth the drama?

Is the collaboration worth my concentration?

Is my presence important to this process or project?

Will I have to sell my soul, my sanity or my sense of self?

Is the input worth the outcome?

Is my YES a strong YES or just a weak no?

 

 

Ask yourself the questions before you trade your time, peace and freedom for cash!!

 

Why? Because often we make money decisions that cause us to live in defeat,  deficit, and depletion because we don’t proactively consider the FULL impact of our decisions. (Excerpt from soon-to-be-released Deciding to Soar 2)

 
If you want 2018 to be a year of greater outcomes and greater joy, why not sign up for the You Can Depend on You” program. We address these very issues in our 5-week program. Why not join other mission-driven high performers on this journey? Your life will never be the same.
Register now. Classes start in January. http://sharronjamison.com/you-can-depend-on-you/

 

I hope to see you in  January. And, if you would like to schedule a free Discovery Session with me, please click here.  Click here to schedule a free Discovery Session

 

Are we connected? Please sign up for my newsletter…. and receive a free gift…http://daretosoarhigher.sharronjamison.com/

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Should We Be Friends?

Birds of a feather flock together.

 

Have you ever heard that adage? I am sure that your parents, teachers or elders said that phrase to you tons of times. Am I right?

 

I know that when I was growing up I heard that saying almost every week. My parents always cautioned me about spending time with the “right” people. And, my father’s congregation always scared me to death with all types of horror stories about the potential for doom and gloom if I spent time with people who were from “around the way”, which was a code phrase for people who had bad attitudes and low altitudes.  I was even promised hell and damnation if I spoke with people from the “bottom”, another code word for people to avoid. I heard it all. (I talk more about this in my book, I Have Learned A Few Things)

 

But as a know-it-all kid, I did not always heed their advice. But the older I get,  the more I understand that who we spend time with directly shapes our lives. I learned that those closest to us have the greatest impact on our development, success,  happiness and the fulfillment of our divine assignments. Even if we don’t acknowledge it, our inner circle influences us….for better or worse.

 

FACT: We are the SEEDS and our friends are our SOIL!

 

Why does our inner circle matter so much? Because being around people who challenge us brings OUT the best in us.  Let’s face it. Something magical happens when we spend time with people who stimulate us, strengthen us and support us.  Being stretched, mentored and equipped to do more, say more and to be more positions us to SOAR!!!

 

Oh…but this year I have witnessed and personally experienced the detrimental effects of being in the wrong circles. I have been in and seen circles that have choked creativity, crippled initiative and chipped away at self-esteem. I have witnessed circles that castigated dissenters, criticized innovation, and censured messages. I have seen “friends” reveal each other’s secrets, plagiarize each other’s work and gossip about each other’s flaws. Boundaries were crossed, assumptions were made and connections were fractured. This year I have seen more than I wanted to see, and I have experienced more than I wanted to experience. Yikes!

 

But as this year comes to a close, it is important that we ALL evaluate who is in our circle because, for some of us, changes need to be made if we expect to SOAR. We can NOT allow false friends and true enemies to have access to our hearts, minds, and souls. We can NOT thrive amid drama, sabotage, and toxicity.

 

If we want to have different experiences, we MUST face some truths and make some hard decisions. And even though it may not be easy, we have to marginalize relationships that only offer drama, disrespect, and depletion so that we can maximize relationships that offer the “soil” we need to bloom.

 

Here are some questions to help you evaluate your relationships:

 

Does this relationship align with my purpose?

Does this relationship offer me help, hope or healing?

Does this relationship allow me to bring all of me to the relationship experience?

Does this relationship consume too much of my attention and distract me from my goals?

Does this relationship provide a safe place where I can share, grow and experience different parts of my humanity?

Does this relationship require me to downsize my gifts and downplay my successes?

Does this relationship provide flexibility and freedom?

Does the relationship create angst because the person is not spiritually mature or emotionally equipped to deal with life in a way that edifies us both?

Does the relationship provide an opportunity to enhance my communication skills and my conflict management skills?

Does the relationship provide peace, loyalty, and loving admonishment?

Does the relationship “feel” good and “feel” right based on where I am heading and who I am becoming?

 

I provide these questions and more in Soaring “Ships”. Click here to download Soaring Shipshttps://nf341-1da662.pages.infusionsoft.net/

 

To prepare for a more productive 2018, evaluate your current relationships. Answer some questions. Then, determine if the relationship needs to end, be renegotiated, be marginalized or be enhanced.

 

Remember, you are the SEED and your circle is the SOIL. You can not bloom in barren, dry places devoid of nutrients. You need rich soil that’s cultivated and cared for.

 

You have the power and the responsibility to choose your circle. So, choose wisely!

 

Let’s Dare to Soar Higher as we choose friends that are fruitful, and not fatal.

 

If you want to learn more about identifying people who can enrich your life, sign up for the “You Can Depend on You” Program. It starts on Jan. 2018.  Click here for more information

 

Invest 5 weeks now to change your life forever! You are worth your BEST investment!

 

Blessings!!

 

SharRon

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SWAGGER!

When you were broken, busted and disgusted, there were people who loved you. But did they really love you or did you only serve a function or a purpose?

 

Did your misfortune make them feel good about themselves? Did being pitiful somehow make them feel powerful? Or was it that your insecurity made them feel more confident. Or, did your failures make them forget that they were not experiencing success, joy or passion either? Was it that your empty relationships somehow made them feel full. Was it that your being disinvited, rejected and excluded made them feel as if they were accepted and part of the in-crowd? Did you only serve a function??? Hmmm

 

Always remember that some people will love you only when you stagger. When you are lost, low, limited and lonely, they will love you. When you are drowning, crying or failing, they will cherish you.

 

But…. when you realize that you are not a doormat, but a doorway, they will be indignant. When you understand that you are an opportunity to develop and not an obstacle to overcome, they will be offended. When you appreciate that you are not a last-minute option but a prized priority, they will feel slighted. When you realize that you are empowered to God and not indebted to them, they will be insulted.

 

Let’s face it. When you get some pep in your step and remember that you are both divine and human and that you are unbelievably talented, exceptionally gifted, amazingly loving and highly favored, they will fight you. They will attack you, attempt to discredit you and undermine everything that you do.

 

Yes, they will.

 

But…swagger on…. And no, you are not arrogant. You are confident because you know that EVERY open door and every opportunity is from God. You realize that God is the conductor, director, and orchestrator of your life.

 

How to handle people who expect you to stagger? Stay focused.

 

Don’t worry about where you have been or where you came from…. FOCUS…FOCUS…FOCUS on where you are going.

 

Then, find your tribe. Find the people who expect you to swagger! Nurture them and let them nurture you. And together, WIN!!! SERVE!!! GROW!! LOVE!!!

 

Let’s Dare to Soar Higher as we SWAGGER with the confidence.

 

If you need help with your SWAGGER, why not register for RISE?

 

It is a 10-day journey that will position you to SWAGGER in 2018. It is only $7…that is less than the cost of a fast-food meal so why not? http://sharronjamison.com/rise/

 

Hope to you in RISE as you SWAGGER to Success!

 

Let’s Dare To Soar Higher!

 

SharRon, The Life Strategist

 

(from my upcoming book Deciding to Soar 2)

 

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Does Time Really Heal?

We are impatient people; the pace of our culture has conditioned us to rush, rush, rush and rush.

 

However, there is one thing that we continue to wait on….and that’s healing.

 

For some reason, we wait and wait and wait as if a magical time will appear that will make us feel better, do better or be better.

 

Granted…. time may help the sting of the pain go away, and a scab may form to conceal or protect the wound. But the wound is still there and the pain is still near. The memories and the emotional aftermath are still sabotaging your happiness, your health and your wholeness.

 

Yes, time has passed but the feelings have not; the feelings are present. The hurt feelings are still lurking and lingering in your mind and still causing disruption in your life.

 

How do I know? Because you are still easily triggered by small infractions. Your emotional buttons are still easily pushed.  You are defensive. You are insecure. You will cuss, cut and criticize people at a moment’s notice. And, you project your pain on others. Your emotional and physical states are visible for everyone to see. You are attempting to hide in plain sight.

 

Tweet this…Your private pain always shows up in public ways. #decidingtosoar #SharRonJamison https://twitter.com/.

 

No, I am not a mind reader but I can quickly recognize unaddressed pain and unacknowledged trauma. I know what it feels like, sounds like and acts like. I know because for years my pain swallowed me and suffocated me. Memories of my trauma held me hostage and dictated my every move.

 

For years I waited and waited.  I stopped living as I waited to be rescued and relieved from the constant gnawing in my stomach. I waited as I rehearsed and recycled my pain.  I waited and I ate and ate. I did my best to find relief in Twinkies, cake and chips but all I got was unwanted pounds on my body.

 

I finally had to admit that I was afraid to confront my pain and that I did everything to avoid the discomfort associated with healing. I hid, I hesitated but I continued to hurt. And not only did I hurt, I hurt any and everybody that came in my direction.

 

I not only injured people, I settled. I settled for unfulfilling relationships, I settled for the status quo, I settled for safe, even though I NEVER really felt safe.

 

So, here’s the critical question that I had to muster up the courage to ask myself. Why wait to heal? Why spend your precious time in isolation, limitation or degradation? Why wait to speak your truth, live your truth or own your truth? Why delay your own happiness for “counterfeit comfort”?

 

Yes, “counterfeit comfort” because coping is not emotional comfort. Coping is faking. Coping is denial. Coping is acting. Coping is numbing. “Counterfeit comfort” is many things but it is NOT peace.

 

The time to heal is now! If everything else in your life is so urgent, why not make your peace of mind urgent? Why not make your emotional health a top priority? Why not invest resources to deal with your inner gremlins once and for all? Why not seek counseling, coaching or medical intervention?

 

You deserve to feel that you are equipped and empowered to be the author and an advocate of your own life. You deserve to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have the agency and the authority to design a life that celebrates and reflects the real you.

 

If you want to start the process, maybe RISE can get you started. It’s a 10-day program of videos and worksheets that will help think critically about what you want and what you need to be the best version of yourself. The best news is that it costs only $7. RISE is a great start to prepare you to SOAR.  http://sharronjamison.com/rise/.

 

If you are interested in meeting people who are also committed to experiencing big breakthroughs and are on a journey of self-actualization, please contact me. There is a like-minded group of successful people just like you willing to connect with you and support you on your own transformational journey.

 

I would love to support you, but if not, I hope you will make yourself a priority. I hope you always know that you can depend on you to do what’s best for you. I hope you know that YOU ARE WORTH IT…YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO FEEL HAPPY, HEALTHY AND WHOLE!

 

Enjoy this video….

 

Celebrating you and your success,

SharRon, Your Life Strategist

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Help, I Am Having A Baby!

Women can have babies by themselves, but any woman can tell you that they would rather have babies surrounded by support. Women who have experienced childbirth can tell you that labor is so intense, so painful, so unpredictable and so overwhelming that just having a hand to squeeze is a blessing.

 

Labor is hard, that’s why it is called labor. Of course, there is joy…but it is hard to remember the joy when those labor pains are sending shockwaves and contractions through your body with such force and regularity that you can’t catch your breath.

 

But then the baby comes….and you realize that it all was worth it.  When you are introduced to the wonderful being who you have nurtured, prayed for, sang to and dreamed about, you are grateful. You are thankful because though the delivery was arduous, the result was amazing!

 

You realize that…. the process was hard but it was worth it.

 

Making our dreams come true is like birthing babies. It’s joyous but those contractions – though different – are challenging. Those birthing pains – though not physical – are unpredictable, scary, consistent and jolting. Just like physical birth, you can’t always catch your breath as you deal with competing demands, complex negotiations, contrary people and sometimes, character assassination.  You can’t catch your breath because you are learning and doing….and doing and learning all at the same time.

 

You also can’t catch your breath because everything is happening so quickly and simultaneously. Technology is changing, marketing is changing, competition is changing, audiences are changing and the marketplace is changing. And guess what, you are changing. The process of pursuing your dream has changed you too. You are different now. But you can’t stop…. because now you are in labor.

 

So, what do you do now?  In the midst of labor, what do you need?

 

People of purpose, visionaries, change agents, innovators,  movement makers and dreamers need midwives. They need people who can help with the labor process. They need people who can remind them of their intrinsic value, their power, their purpose and their divine destination. They need cheerleaders, champions, and confidants. They need connectors, collaborators, and constructive critiques. Don’t miss the “constructive” part because fear to some degree is always an unwanted, but constant companion.

 

Bottom line: They need you!

 

If your loved one is in labor…. birthing a dream, a vision or a movement, I have shared 10 easy ways that you can offer support. The video was a FB LIVE post but I hope it will help you too. Just click the video below to review.

 

So…..What can we do? What can you do?

 

Let’s be midwives to and for each other. Why? Because we all have a job to do to serve this amazing world. We all have a special gift to offer the planet.We all have a significant role to play in the exciting experience called life.

 

I am also here to help you. If you are looking for a low-cost way to start your own birthing process — to begin your own entrepreneurial or life enrichment journey, I want to support you.  I can provide introductory support to you through RISE!

 

What’s RISE?

 

RISE: Life Masterclass is a 10-day journey with me delivered directly to your mobile device or computer. And it is only $7…. that’s less than the cost of a fast-food meal, but this meal will provide great nutrients for the soul and mind. http://sharronjamison.com/rise/

 

Click here for more information about RISE and why not register for RISE at the box at the bottom of the page? http://sharronjamison.com/rise/.

 

Listen, you don’t have to LABOR alone. I am here to help you.  I know what factors can propel you forward in your life. And,  I know many midwives who can also support you  because I am constantly surrounded by winners —– like YOU!!!

 

Don’t forget to join the Dare To Soar Higher Mailing List. I don’t YOU want to miss the freebies, events or the newsletters. http://daretosoarhigher.sharronjamison.com/

 

Let’s RISE as we DARE to Soar Higher in every dimension of our lives.

 

Remember, we are in this together….nobody SOARS alone.   

 

Celebrating you and celebrating your success!

 

SharRon, Your Life Strategist

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Can You Hope Me?

I have learned that sometimes I don’t need help. I don’t need a ride, any advice, or a loan. I don’t need attention, a hot meal, or a favor. I don’t need to borrow expensive clothes, a fast car, or the use of a credit card. No, I don’t need anybody to help me. What I need is someone to hope me, because I have learned that hope is power.

Hope is fuel; it is a source of energy that encourages you to keep trying and to keep believing even when you want to give up. It is the power that spurs you on even in the face of uncertainty, failure, and fear. It is the momentum that pushes you to press beyond the pressure despite reports of impending doom and rumors of imminent danger. It is a “manifester” that helps you look past your immediate circumstances and helps you visualize the possibilities of the future. Hope is the engine in our lives.

Hope is a catalyst; it is a facilitator. It lifts you when you are depressed, sustains you when you are tired, and comforts you when you are lonely. Hope enlivens you, elevates you, and encourages you to persevere; it continues to say yes even when your body, mind, and spirit say no. Hope is a stimulus; it releases imagination, ignites creativity, and awakens ingenuity. And even in the face of insurmountable odds, hope activates; hope makes things happen. I have learned that hope provides the channel for blessings to flow.

So if I have to choose between help and hope, I choose hope. I choose hope because I have learned that hope expects, anticipates, predicts, and trust. It is more than optimism, and it is more than wishful thinking. It is faith that sees what I can’t see and knows what I don’t know. It is something that guides me and influences me to proceed even when reality, circumstances, experts, and my friends tell me to retreat, recede, and run.

The best thing about hope is that hope is an unlimited resource. It is a resource that you can decide to use sparingly or generously; the choice is yours. It is also a resource than can be applied to every aspect of your life because hope never runs out as long as you believe.

Help or Hope? I choose hope. If you want to add value to my life, give me hope. Speak to my soul and remind me that I am more than a conqueror. Remind me of my power, purpose, and potential. In the middle of a storm, remind me about the ever presence of God. Remind me of my own testimonies about how God brought me through and about how God brought me out. Yes, I may want help, but what I really need in life is hope, because hope is where our power lies.

Blessings!

SharRon

**Chapter 35 of my newest book, I Have Learned A Few Things

Books are available on the website. Special pricing is available for book clubs.  And if you are interested in SharRon speaking at your next event, please complete the contact form.

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“I Have Always Done It That Way”

“I have always done it this way”. Haven’t we all said that? I know I have. I have made that statement hundreds of times.  In many ways and for many years, it was my default response. “I have always done it this way” was my “go to” reply when I was asked to do something differently or when I was asked to do something that I didn’t really want to do. In fact, it was my favorite retort when people asked me to consider news ideas, modify my behavior or questioned my views. “I have always done it this way” was my way of dodging conversations, avoiding conflict or escaping any responsibility to think critically about how I was living and navigating in the world. Trust me, it was an effective way to end any conversation and I used the statement indiscriminately, and yes, aggressively when I had no desire to change, think or engage. “I have always done it this way” was my tried-and-true strategy to be left alone. And I thought that my commitment to that 6 word phrase and that 6 word mentality served me well, at least that is what I believed.

But life has a wonderful way of showing us that our failure or inability to remain open to new ideas, different cultures, emerging paradigms, innovative solutions will limit us.  Yes, life has a way of teaching us that nothing good results from a closed mind, a closed heart or a close hand. Nothing!!  In fact, anything closed off, closed out, closed up or closed in eventually withers and dies. Just think about it. Careers, businesses, friendships, religions, relationships, plants, pets or anything important to us dies without an consistent inflow of fresh air, a steady  influx of new energy, an occasional introduction of new ways of thinking or the thoughtful implementation of new behaviors. Everything, and I mean everything, needs a constant supply of physical, spiritual and emotional oxygen to survive. Everything needs to be nurtured and challenged or it loses its vitality, vibrancy and its value.

Yes, I have learned that anything denied nourishment, engagement, growth or expression eventually dies. Let’s face it – our health deteriorates when it is neglected, careers die when they are not managed, communities crumble with they are abandoned, dreams are unrealized with they are not constantly pursued, and love dies when it is not cultivated.  Death is inevitable because desertion and demise go hand in hand. Resistance and regression are companions. Stifling and stopping are connected. Avoidance and apathy are attached. And, ignorance and inertia are always somehow linked, aren’t they? The truth is, having a closed mind, closed heart and a closed hand is a lethal combination; it is a recipe for disaster, destruction, disappointment, detachment and despair.

So how do we stay open? How do we remember that we don’t know it all? How do we stay connected to each other in the midst of our busy lives and competing demands? How do we stay receptive to new ideas and to the moving of the spirit? How do we consider different cultures, expose ourselves to diverse communities and listen to a variety of perspectives? How do we offer our services and support for the benefit of humanity? How do we abandon our arrogance and admit our ignorance long enough so that we can listen, laugh, learn and love?

I have learned that “I have always done it this way” is a trap that leaves little room for evolution, transformation, self-analysis and healing. Just my thoughts of course.

I would love to hear from you. How do you remain open so you don’t miss out on life, love, learning and living? Something to pause, ponder and pray about, right? I look forward to hearing from you.

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Stumble But Don’t Stop

I have learned that on your road to success, you will stumble. On your journey to greatness and significance, you will have mishaps, you will make mistakes, and you will make miscalculations. You may slip, trip, and fall even when you have properly planned, prepared, and positioned yourself to win. Unfortunately, you may also lose your balance because of competing demands, and you may lose your footing under the weight of mounting pressures. You may wallow, waver, and wobble privately and occasionally publicly. Stumbling is inevitable when you passionately pursue your dreams.

But it is at those critical times when you are slipping and sliding your way to success that you will be forced to make a critical choice. You will need to decide if you will become discouraged and stop or if you will become courageous and proceed. Both are choices, decisions, and options that only you can make. But remember that your decision will directly determine and/or influence your destiny and the trajectory of your life. Your choice will determine if you move closer to your dream or if you will move further away from your purpose.

So when, not if, you stumble, I hope you will choose to stumble but not stop. I hope you will use your mistakes to help you correct your course and redirect your efforts. I hope you will use your miscalculations to reassess your strategies and reallocate your resources. I pray that you will use your mishaps to consider new ideas and ponder new approaches. I hope that your slips encourage you to reevaluate paradigms and explore creative options. I hope your blunders reveal your true friends and expose your most destructive foes.

What I know for sure is that a stumble is just an event or experience; it is not an ending. It may be a fumble but not a finish. It is an error but not an exit. It is not just a loss but a lesson. It is not a defeat; it’s data. It is not fatal; it is fruitful. Stumbling is a process of small failures that set us up for significant victories. So be encouraged. Never forget that we stumble up to success; we don’t fall to fail.

Stumbling is a critical part of our journey. It plays an important role in our development and refinement processes. That’s good news! So follow your dreams, and don’t worry if you stumble, because the stumbles we make today will prepare us for whatever emerges tomorrow. So stumble but get back up, stand up, move up, and don’t give up, because God will always show up.

This is an excerpt from I Have Learned A Few Things. Are you ready to stumble? I am. Can’t wait to see where our stumbling leads us. Blessings!

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Follow The Leader? Lead!

I have learned that “follow the leader” is not just a childhood game played on schoolyard playgrounds. No—sadly, it is also a game and a mindset that some adults continue to play today. Yes, some adults prefer to follow the masses rather than follow their own minds. They prefer to follow traditions rather than follow the truth. Some will prefer just to acquiesce rather than analyze or ask. And some people will prefer to inculcate and imbibe rather than investigate and inquire.

But I have learned that when you follow anything or anyone too closely, and when you follow anything uncritically, you obscure your own vision. You lose your own way; you get lost, and you show up in situations that fail to serve and satisfy you. You also miss possibilities, ignore clues, and overlook pitfalls. You let the goals, concerns, and needs of others eclipse your own. In essence, you play a backup role or relegate yourself to a subordinate role in your own life. Sounds familiar?

So here is a thought. Why follow at all? Why not lead? Why not be a leader in your own life? It is your life, so why take constant direction and advice from those who don’t have any skin in the game? Why take recommendations from people who have never been anywhere or done anything? Why pay homage to people who don’t know you, don’t care about you, and can’t even relate to you? Why listen to people who espouse principles but don’t practice what they preach? Why not lead, guide, and direct yourself? You know yourself better than anyone else does.

I am not advocating going against the grain just for rebellion’s sake. However, your life is not a playground, and you don’t have time to allow yourself to be led astray. Yes, “allow,” because everything you do in life is a choice—your choice, remember?

Never follow someone or something so closely or so blindly that you lose, can’t find, or can’t see your own way. The same good sense that God gave them is the same good sense that God gave you. So use it!

Pray, trust yourself, and then lead! You can depend on you!

( adapted from I Have Learned A Few Things).** Do you have the book? If not you can order here http://sharronjamison.com/books/

And, have you joined the Private FaceBook Dare To Soar Higher? I will start mini-workshops on concepts shared in I Have Learned A Few Things starting next month. You can join now. Click Here

Dare to Soar Higher!
Blessings to you always!

SharRon

Just in case you missed my last facebook live on conflict, please click here.

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Love Lifted Me – Part 3

It’s February! Not only is it Black History Month, it is the month of love.  And since it is the month of love, it is time to continue our series about the lifting power of love. Yes, love can lift -elevate, excite, empower and encourage you if the love contains the right elements.


Let’s Review.

 

We started the series by saying that love L.I.F.T.S. when love is liberating, and not limiting.  We said that when love is liberating, it allows people to express, explore and experience all the facets of their personalities and their personhood.

Yes, that’s right! Liberating love provides greater freedom, more fun, and deeper emotional fulfillment when people can create relationships norms that work for them. And any time we are creating and not controlling relationships, there is the endless possibility, potential and promise of abundance, however, we define it.

During our second installment of the series, we talked about the need for love to be illuminating and not intimidating. I know, illumination is not a sexy word, but it is an appropriate word when considering love. Why? Because love, true love, provides an environment for learning. It creates space for people to learn about themselves in meaningful ways. It lets people learn who they really are and who they are not so that they can live more authentically, fearlessly and consistently without the fear of abandonment, ridicule, and rejection. And in the safety of acceptance, people grow, relationships flourish and our communities heal. Good stuff, right?

That leads us to the “F” in L.I.F.T.  Love can L.I.F.T. if the love is grounded in Faith and not Fault-finding. That’s a hard one. It is hard because people, I am sad to say, are usually GOOD at fault-finding. Some couples and friends are unfortunately good at giving each other criticism, rebukes, attacks, and unsolicited advice. Some friends and partners give so much negative feedback that I sometimes wonder, “why are you together” or “why are you friends?”.

But this what I know for sure. People who easily find fault in others are usually dissatisfied with their own lives; they are not happy campers. Or, people who are fault-finders are threatened by concepts or circumstances that they don’t understand or can’t control. Often people who complain and criticize incessantly have unresolved issues or don’t know how to express their needs or have not done their own emotional work required for emotional mastery.

Suffice to say, people who routinely find fault in you can be hazardous to your emotional and spiritual health. Their constant attacks, excessive condemnation and negative energy can deplete you and jeopardize your wholeness. And if you stay in the relationship, the constant put-downs will make you question your abilities, or at least, make you question your sanity. Who needs or wants that?

Never forget that you deserve to be cherished, encouraged and supported. If you are not receiving love that makes you feel acknowledged, appreciated and affirmed, you have a personal obligation and a personal mandate to make a different choice…LEAVE!

Now, if you are fault-finder, here are some suggestions that will hopefully help you curb your need to criticize.

 

1) Spend time with yourself. Analyze why you constantly “pick” people apart. Be honest with yourself. Effective analysis is always required to take effective action.

2)  Identify how fault-finding serves and benefits you. Does it give you a false sense of importance? Does it give you power? Does it even up the score? Does it eliminate fear?  Does it make you feel less threatened?

3) Consider the impact on your partner’s or your friend’s emotional and spiritual well-being. How are you slowly dismantling your relationships by your constant attacks or callous critiques?

When you are able to answer some of the questions, you are on your way to making different choices to curtail your fault-finding ways. If you need an extra incentive to do less fault-finding, remember that it generally takes five or more positive comments to cancel every negative comment. So, try your best not to make withdrawals from the emotional bank account, make an investment instead.

Put this advice in your back pocket, your journal or in your soul:  Relationship investments amplify, multiply and satisfy.  But relationship withdrawals worry, wreck and wound.

Here is the bottom line.  We all want to be in relationships with people who believe in us, believe for us and believe in our abilities. We all desire people in our inner circle who trust us, pray for us, celebrate us and cherish us. We all want to be surrounded by people who have faith in us and have faith in themselves. We all want faithful people, people who are FULL of faith. Yes, that’s what we all want and that’s what we really need to be our best selves.

As you are considering your relationships, partnerships, and others “ships” in your life, think about how you are showing up. If you have faith in yourself and in others, great. If you are a fault-finder, determine why you are a fault-finder so that you can change your ways. Changing your ways will change how you experience love, and will hopefully give you an opportunity to experience a love that L.I.F.T.S.

Advice: Always remember that the BIGGEST room in your life is the ROOM for SELF-improvement. That alone should help you keep the focus on YOU and off of THEM.

“Love Lifted me. Love Lifted me. When nothing else could help, LOVE lifted me”. I still enjoy singing the song. After 45 years, the words still resonate in my heart and soul and gives me hope that one day I will experience a love that will L.I.F.T. me.

Let’s love ourselves and let’s love each other so that we can L.I.F.T. each other, our friends, our communities and the world.

 

Blessings!

SharRon

If you have not pre-ordered, please order my new book “Deciding to Soar”. Everyone who pre-orders gets a gift!. For more information, click here http://sharronjamison.com/deciding-to-soar/

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