Articles & Audio

Stop Cutting The Ones Who Care!

One of the things that I have learned as a life strategist is that NEW relationship problems are usually the result of deep-rooted, unresolved issues from OLD relationships.


For example, some of the challenges that we experience with our new jobs can be traced back to unresolved problems and unaddressed issues with former employers,  previous coworkers or an ex-boss.


Some issues with our the new spouse, new partner or new bae can easily be traced back to the issues that we have not admitted, processed or even discussed with our ex-lovers, ex-partners, ourselves and sometimes, even our parents.


Some of the challenges that we have making new friends can be traced back to our old feelings of not being seen, not feeling heard or not being cared for in a way that made us feel valued, respected, safe and loved.


Some of the difficulties that we have collaborating with people today are because somewhere in our lives we felt invisible, insecure, overpowered and undermined when we tried to contribute and share.


Some of the problems that we have with organized religions are because we allow ourselves to be spiritually crammed and emotionally incarcerated into rules, rituals, and regulations that we don’t believe or ascribe to yet feel powerless to change.


And since we have never adequately or thoroughly examined the ROOT of our inability or unwillingness to connect with others or ourselves in a meaningful and life-giving way, we are left feeling isolated, alienated and rejected. We become bloated with bitterness, resentment, and anger. We become cynical, defensive and unavailable, and we cut ourselves off from what we want and need the most —- a sense of belonging.


But until our wounds are addressed in ways that bring closure or healing, we deny ourselves of healthy and loving connections that provide the support we need, the acceptance that we crave and the recognition that we desire. And most of all—-we suffer!


We suffer in silence suffocated by our secrets and sidelined by our inability or unwillingness to reach out for support. We retreat into self-made and self-imposed prisons in an attempt to conceal our pain and “armor up” our lives in a futile effort to protect ourselves from anticipated threats.


We wrap our lives in old stories, bury our talents under old narratives, create our perspectives in dirty filters,  trap ourselves in societal acceptability, and hold others hostage to expectations and assumptions in our attempts to control and manipulate every engagement, interaction, and every experience we have.


We exhaust ourselves by acting, lying, shapeshifting and people-pleasing until we deplete, dilute or diminish who we are.


We betray ourselves and our needs. We don’t give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, intimate or honest so that we can experience the richness of others, nor experience the richness and depth of our own souls.


In fact, we attack people who even try to befriend, respect and love us.  Like wounded animals, we strike out at the first “perceived” attack, offense or insult.


We test people. We try people. We tempt people. We secretly put people on “trial” to see how much of our bad behavior they will endure before they leave. And when they go, we blame them for abandoning us without taking an honest inventory to see how we contributed to the demise of the relationship.


But what if we decided to stop blaming others for the death of our relationships and really evaluate ourselves? What if we owned our old stories that contaminated our new connections? What if we dissected our behaviors and beliefs and identified the root of our frustration and irritation with others? What if we admitted that we were emotionally injured and that we are cutting those who are closest to us because we lack the courage to confront those who hurt us the most?


What if?


What if we decided to look in the mirror and admit what’s really going on, or what happened, or what we fear will happen?


What if?


Our lives would be different. Not perfect, but different. But different… for many of us would be a step in the right direction.


So, what can we do?


We can DARE TO BE DIFFERENT!  Click here:

(except from soon-to-be-released  Deciding To Soar 2)


As you are thinking about what you want most in 2019, make sure you download my free e-book, “Know What’s Best For You”. It has questions to help you think about what is really going on in your life.






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It’s Time For YOU To Conduct A “Friend” Inventory!

If you have heard me speak this year, you have probably heard me say that everything is created, cared for and cultivated on “ships.” EVERYTHING!


Yes, our “ships” influence and affect our lives. It does not matter if it is a partnership, fellowship, companionship, mentorship, sponsorship, relationship, distributorship, friendship, citizenship, “situationship”, and the list goes on…our lives are touched and shaped by others. Even when we are not aware of it, we are somehow informed, energized, challenged or repulsed by the words and ways of others.   Everybody leaves an impression, good or bad,  in our lives.


Because our connections are critical, it is vital that we analyze who we spend time with, who we seek wisdom from and who we allow in our intimate space. And as we elevate our lives or shift our priorities, we may need to adjust and re-adjust where and with whom we spend our time and share our energy.


Let’s be honest. That’s hard for some of us. Evaluating or repositioning our relationships brings up all types of emotional baggage, feelings of abandonment and childhood triggers. That’s why we sometimes stay tethered to connections that are toxic, abusive and lifeless. 


Here is something to consider: Making adjustments or analyzing your relationships does NOT mean that you don’t love or like people.


Adjusting and evaluating your relationships mean that are you committed to your OWN growth, self-care, and elevation. It means that you are being intentional about your time because you NEED new experiences, different information and increased exposure to opportunities, so you can plan, position and prepare yourself for what’s NEXT in your life. Scrutinizing your connections means that you are cognizant that you have limited time and only so much energy and that everyone you connect with must be beneficial and fruitful to your life.  Essentially, ensuring that you are surrounded and supported by a healthy network is an act of SELF LOVE!


Here is the bottom line: Growth does NOT happen in isolation, in stagnation or in the wrong congregation. Growth happens in stimulating and safe environments that are replete with rich diversity, great dialogue, and vigorous debate.


That’s why we NEED conversations that challenge our thinking. We need to attend events that expand our minds, touch our souls and frame our dreams. We need to be pushed, pulled and poured into in ways that increase our competence, capacity, and our curiosity. We need connections that hold us responsible and accountable to HIGH standards.


We need to SEE and EXPERIENCE MORE because our lives develop or diminish based on what we know, what we think, what we do and what we are exposed to.


What’s the take-home message? We can’t SOAR if we don’t know MORE!


That approach sounds simple but learning and doing MORE demand that we develop relationships for where we are going, not where we are now.


As you enter 2019, and before you make another resolution, take inventory of your connections.  Find a quiet place and start with 3 simple questions.


  1. How is this connection helping me SEE me better, differently or fuller?
  2. How is this connection supporting me now, who I am becoming and my vision for the future?
  3. How is this connection strengthening, stretching or shifting me?


There are more questions to ponder, but these  3 questions should get you started. My new e-book, Know What’s Best For You, has tons of questions too. It’s FREE so download it today! It also comes with a free video series entitled, Walk Away.


Our relationships are our greatest resources. So, pay attention. Choose relationships that grow you up, grow you out and grow you within. That way you can be better equipped to SOAR Higher in 2019.


Let me hear from you. Please leave a message below.


Let’s Dare To Soar Higher!




I shared some thoughts about relationships on Facebook Live. Enjoy and please subscribe to my youtube channel.

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Don’t Wait Too Long!

Let’s be honest…..sometimes people cross the line. They make comments that feel degrading or they do things that feel demeaning. But when they do cross the line, speak up immediately. Don’t wait!


Why? Sometimes if you wait too long you will say too much. You will explode and make harsh statements that could irrevocably damage the relationship.


Yes, people will get on your nerves, I mean, your LAST good nerve. But often times they don’t realize that they have encroached on your boundaries. Remember, we all are different. A gesture that may be considered an INVITATION to one person MAY feel like a VIOLATION to another person.


So, speak up. Honor your feelings. Approach the conversation in a spirit of curiosity so that you can learn more about their intentions. After you understand their motives, then make a decision.


Remember….Seek to understand FIRST! Don’t let arrogance or ignorance ruin your relationships.


Do yourself a favor. Speak up quickly. Say what you need to say. Learn what you need to learn. And then, SOAR!

( from my upcoming book, Deciding To Soar 2)


It’s Time To Soar HIGHER!!!








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There will always be someone who will attempt to control, cage and change you.


They will try to manipulate you and when that doesn’t work, they will malign you.


They will criticize you and when that doesn’t work they will castigate you.


They will ridicule you and when that doesn’t work they will reject you.


They will lie on you and when that doesn’t work they will label you.


They will blackmail you and when that doesn’t work they will try to blackball you.


They will slander you and when that doesn’t work they will sabotage you.


They will condemn you and when that doesn’t work they will attempt to politically cripple you.


They will you hinder and when that doesn’t work they will try to hurt you.


They will intimidate you and when that doesn’t work they will try to incarcerate you.


They will derail you and when that doesn’t work, they will attempt to destroy you.


They will threaten you and when that doesn’t work, they will terrorize you.


When their damnable, serpentine measures don’t work, they WILL get dirtier, more salacious and just more low-down.


But, DO NOT be scared or concerned!  Don’t Panic! Their tactics will fail.


I have learned that when you are in the will of GOD, “no weapon formed against you will prosper”.


God created you to be who you ARE!!! Nobody else gets a vote.


Don’t let their fingerprints corrupt your divine blueprint!


Let’s Dare To Soar Higher!


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***I am shifting in 2019. Please sign up for up my newsletter. I got some pretty exciting things to share.



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Get YOUR P.O.W. Back!


If you are like most, you are probably stunned that we are in October. I don’t know if it is age or something else, but time is moving faster and faster as the years go by, right?


Over the last couple of weeks,  I have been doing some pruning. Why? Because my life got too busy.  And so, I took some time to downsize some relationships, refocus my energy and reprioritize some activities so I could concentrate on being more productive, and more FULFILLED!


Yes, I had to take a step back because I lost my P.O.W.!


You know…..your P.O.W. – that feeling of enthusiasm, zest, bliss and alignment that makes you excited about getting up in the morning? That feeling that makes you feel as if you are in your flow, gaining momentum and pursuing your purpose. That feeling that makes you feel seen in a way that honors your very soul. I am not sure what other people call that feeling….I call it my P.O.W.—short for my power.


Have you ever lost your P.O.W.?


I didn’t realize that I was losing my P.O.W. at first, because the loss was gradual. Months of fatigue, frustration, and overwhelm slowly sapped and siphoned my energy away from my goals. I lost my joy and my mojo. And, I was left feeling physically, spiritually and emotionally exhausted.


At first, I tried to rationalize my feelings of lethargy, but the evidence was clear……..  I was doing too much of the right thing, and I was doing way too much of the wrong thing. I was out of balance, and my life was screaming for relief. (lol) Have you ever been there?


Even though I initially failed to see the symptoms in my life, losing your P.O.W. is pretty easy to see if you are paying attention to your body, spirit, mind and your relationships. So, what should you look for when you are feeling “out of sorts”?


Look for the loss of 3 things.

1) Loss of Perspective – What do you see?
2) Loss of Optimism – How do you see it?
3) Loss of Wisdom – What do you know?


Here’s a brief video that talks about losing my P.O.W. and I hope it encourages you to reflect on your life.


If you are starting to downgrade your dreams, feel bombarded by negativity or feel as if you can’t trust your intuition, maybe it’s time for you to pause, pay attention and re-prioritize your life.


If you need help getting your P.O.W. back, please register for the Dare To Be Me Masterclass. This will be last DTBM Masterclass for 2018. Now is the perfect time to plan for a prosperous and powerful 2019.  Click here for additional information.


And, if you are not busy, join me and Stacy Bryant on Saturday. I have posted information below.










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Should We Be Friends?

Birds of a feather flock together.


Have you ever heard that adage? I am sure that your parents, teachers or elders said that phrase to you tons of times. Am I right?


I know that when I was growing up I heard that saying almost every week. My parents always cautioned me about spending time with the “right” people. And, my father’s congregation always scared me to death with all types of horror stories about the potential for doom and gloom if I spent time with people who were from “around the way”, which was a code phrase for people who had bad attitudes and low altitudes.  I was even promised hell and damnation if I spoke with people from the “bottom”, another code word for people to avoid. I heard it all. (I talk more about this in my book, I Have Learned A Few Things)


But as a know-it-all kid, I did not always heed their advice. But the older I get,  the more I understand that who we spend time with directly shapes our lives. I learned that those closest to us have the greatest impact on our development, success,  happiness and the fulfillment of our divine assignments. Even if we don’t acknowledge it, our inner circle influences us….for better or worse.


FACT: We are the SEEDS and our friends are our SOIL!


Why does our inner circle matter so much? Because being around people who challenge us brings OUT the best in us.  Let’s face it. Something magical happens when we spend time with people who stimulate us, strengthen us and support us.  Being stretched, mentored and equipped to do more, say more and to be more positions us to SOAR!!!


Oh…but this year I have witnessed and personally experienced the detrimental effects of being in the wrong circles. I have been in and seen circles that have choked creativity, crippled initiative and chipped away at the self-esteem of very confident people. I have witnessed circles that castigated dissenters, criticized innovation, and censured messages. I have seen “friends” reveal each other’s secrets, plagiarize each other’s work and gossip about each other’s flaws. Boundaries were crossed, assumptions were made and connections were fractured. This year I have seen more than I wanted to see, and I have experienced more than I wanted to experience. Yikes!


But as summer comes to a close, it is important that we ALL evaluate who is in our circle because, for some of us, changes need to be made if we expect to SOAR. We can NOT give false friends and true enemies access to our hearts, minds, and souls. We can NOT thrive amid drama, sabotage, and toxicity.


If we want to have different experiences, we MUST face some truths and make some hard decisions. And even though it may not be easy, we have to marginalize relationships that only offer drama, disrespect, and depletion so that we can maximize relationships that offer the “soil” we need to bloom.


Here are some questions to help you evaluate your relationships:


Does this relationship align with my purpose?

Does this relationship offer me help, hope or healing?

Does this relationship allow me to bring all of me to the relationship experience?

Does this relationship consume too much of my attention and distract me from my goals?

Does this relationship provide a safe place where I can share, grow and experience different parts of my humanity?

Does this relationship require me to downsize my gifts and downplay my successes?

Does this relationship provide flexibility and freedom?

Does the relationship create angst because the person is not spiritually mature or emotionally equipped to deal with life in a way that edifies us both?

Does the relationship provide an opportunity to enhance my communication skills and my conflict management skills?

Does the relationship provide peace, loyalty, and loving admonishment?

Does the relationship “feel” good and “feel” right based on where I am heading and who I am becoming?


To prepare for a more productive fall, evaluate your current relationships. Answer some questions. Then, determine if the relationship needs to end, be renegotiated, be marginalized or be enhanced.


Remember, you are the SEED and your circle is the SOIL. You can not bloom in barren, dry places devoid of nutrients. You need rich soil that’s cultivated and cared for.


You have the power and the responsibility to choose your circle. So, choose wisely!


Let’s Dare to Soar Higher as we choose friends that are fruitful, and not fatal.


If you want to learn more about identifying people who can enrich your life, sign up here for my newsletter.  






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Should You Be Doing That?

Are you overwhelmed, overextended, overscheduled, and “over” everything?


If you are like most people, your calendar is stuffed with commitments, lists, and appointments.  You have meetings here and dinner plans over there. There is never a free or dull moment, right?


I don’t know about you but sometimes it feels as if people have elevated being busy to a status symbol. If you are really busy, so busy that you are don’t have time to really live, you are deemed important. But if you value leisure or self-care, you are judged as being slothful or self-indulgent.


I am not sure how busyness became so valued, but somehow rushing and racing from place to place became celebrated.  In fact, if you are not squeezing something into every minute of the day, people are quick to label you as lazy, boring and not ambitious.  Yes, people judge. How did we get here?


 There are many reasons why our culture has assigned such a high value to being busy. There are tons of research and data that explain why society has evolved, if evolved is really the right word, to this busyness mindset.


But here is the BIG question: are you happy?


I have learned that happiness and fulfillment come from doing what really matters most. Both come from living our purpose in a way that gives our lives meaning. And both are a result of a healthy balance of work and rest.


So today, look at your calendar and ask yourself these questions:

  • Does your schedule provide evidence of what’s important to you?
  • Do your obligations align with your purpose and your dreams?
  • Do your activities move your closer to your goals and dreams?
  • Does your bank statement confirm your priorities?
  • Does your schedule include what’s essential or is it mired in the trivial?
  • Do your commitments and countless obligations align with your purpose?
  • Do you allocate time for rest and restoration?
  • Do you allocate time to do nothing?

If your life does not reflect what’s important to you and does not allow time for rest and restoration, what changes can you make?


Remember, you don’t earn badges, rewards or promotions for being busy. The only thing you experience from being excessively busy is mental, emotional and physical burnout.


If you are interested in restructuring your life and re-evaluating your relationships, please join me on August 30th for the “4 Levels of Relationships” Class.  You can join me from the comfort of your own home.  Let’s face it. Maybe you are busy because you are spending time with the wrong people? Click here to register.

Why not slow down and spend time with powerful people who can help you prioritize your life so that you are less busy but more productive, happier, healthier and more fulfilled in your life?


Let’s dare to soar higher as we slow down and live life more fully.


Celebrating you and your success,


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Live Below The Applause and Above The Attacks

You can’t rely on the opinions, assessments,  and perspectives of others.  




People are fickle.


Sometimes they love you; sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they appreciate you; sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they will support you; sometimes they don’t.


Sometimes they hate you; sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they lie on you; sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they degrade you; sometimes they don’t.


At the end of the day, we can’t let the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others derail us, disrupt us or depress us. We must know who we are and be at peace about who we are not. Why? We are not as bad as people say we are, and we are not as good as people say are. ( are pretty amazing)


Remember, people are judging you based on how they see themselves, not how they see YOU! Their views are not entirely about you! In fact, when people change how they see themselves, they will often change how they see you too.


Just to be clear……I am not saying ignore all rebukes and accolades; that is not wise. It is important to hear when you have done a great job and when you need to improve your performance. If you value people who share information with you and you value what they have to say, listen. Some of their comments may be valid and valuable and will help you SOAR in new ways. However, use their feedback and suggestions as a GUIDE to support your growth and as a GAUGE for your improvement.


BUT never let another person’s opinion entirely GOVERN how you love, treat, honor or celebrate yourself! NEVER!!! Stay balanced when you receive applause and also when you receive attacks.


Remember…..even though you are GREAT, you are not as good as people say you are. And, if you are not great, you are not as bad as some people say you are.  So, stay humble and hear the comments without heeding the comments in a way that inflates your ego or erodes your confidence.


My grandmother would say it like this. Don’t get the big head and don’t let people poke holes in you either. How is that for wisdom?


Let’s Dare to Soar Higher (excerpt from the upcoming, Deciding to Soar 2).  Visit to learn more.


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Defy Labels! It is UP to YOU!

I don’t like labels. There is something about being assigned, but really narrowed, to anything that feels extremely suffocating and restricting to me.  Because let’s face it. None of us really fit into labels; we are greater, broader and deeper than any single group, designation or community. We all are too intricate, too complex and sometimes too contradictory to be defined or confined. Labels just don’t work; they are inadequate at best and destructive at worst. Labels are LIMITING!


The main reason I despise labels is that labels don’t honor people.  Why? Because no single label can describe all of who you are or all that you aspire to be. No single label can celebrate all of your talents, gifs, and blessings that God has bestowed on you. No one label can comprehensively identify or explain you; you are too majestic for that. You are too unique, too special, too amazing, too awesome to be reduced or fully understood by myopic minds who need categories and compartments to help them understand you.  Let’s be honest. Labels make people emotionally, intellectually and spiritually lazy, and labels encourage people NOT to do the work (research) required to challenge their minds and perceptions. Something to consider right?


Label-Jars-buttonpicI have to admit that it took me almost 30 years to appreciate that labels could not contain me, and it took almost 40 years to know in my heart that any label given to me by human beings was beneath the label that God gave me.  I had to learn and accept that I was divinely made, and I had to understand that anything that was divinely made could not be fully comprehended and appreciated by mere mortals.


Yes, it took a few years and a few therapy sessions to understand that people could never fully grasp all of me and guess what, people cannot grasp all of you. People don’t have the ability to fully understand you and very few have the desire to really know you.  It is the truth……the truth is tight but it’s right!


So here is some more truth: you are amazing and a label, any label, can never capture your “amazingness”.  The human language can never completely articulate, elucidate, summarize or capture your divine essence. Don’t forget that!


It is true that when you hear some of the labels that people project on to you, your feelings may get hurt; some labels sting us personally and professionally. Trust me, my feelings have been hurt many times. But then a little voice in my soul reminds me that people don’t have the capacity to understand, comprehend, celebrate or affirm all of who I am. How could they? They don’t know me; they didn’t create me; God did!


Here is the final truth: it is YOUR responsibility to identify and define who you are and who you are not. Even if someone or a system labels you, it is YOUR responsibility to remember that their labels do not determine YOUR reality or worth, only you do.  It is also YOUR responsibility to never allow a label to demote you, demean you, deny you or dismantle you – NEVER!


Never forget that only you and God know who you truly are, and if you have not done your own emotional work, you may not truly know all of who you are either.  But God knows you. And only God (Source) who is the Great Architect knows you better than you know yourself. So defy labels so you can Dare to Soar Higher!


If you are interested in learning more about my services or participating in our coaching experiences, please click here.


Here is a short video about how our “stories” influence how we label ourselves and others.





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So often we give up because we feel like we are behind. We somehow believe that we should throw in the towel because we feel as if we are lagging, lacking and less than.


But who says that sometimes being in the back is bad? Who says that the being in the middle is always mediocre? Who says that being in the system is not sometimes strategic? Who says that being in the pack is not sometimes purposeful?


I have learned that sometimes behind in the back and in the middle helps you SEE better. It allows you to see what NOT to do, understand where NOT to go and identify who NOT to trust. Sometimes not being first allows you to capitalize on and/or avoid the misery, mistakes, and miscalculations of others.


I have learned that when I am doing my best …WHEREVER I am …..I am where I need to be to learn, leverage and listen to what and who is around me. Why? Because every space is a sacred place – a place for me to observe, expand and practice what I need to improve as I navigate my way in life.


So, if feel as if you are behind, you are not. Stay focused and don’t quit. Keep moving. Set your own pace. Be consistent. Be intentional. Be prayerful. Stay activated. Stay open. Stay expected. Stay ready.


You are not behind. You are in the right place…. The right position…..The right posture…. to receive the blessings that the Universe has in store for you.


Let’s Dare To Soar Higher as we maintain momentum toward our goals and our vision. ( excerpt from Deciding to Soar, Vol 3).


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**** If you are a leader, manager or a visionary, be sure to join us on July 14th. You don’t want to miss this event

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