Articles & Audio

Growth Is A Choice

Growth2Growth is a CHOICE! Choose to expand your mind and God will enlarge your territory.

Everybody wants to grow or at least that is what most people claim. But do you really want to grow? Do you really want to broaden your horizons? Do you really want to stretch your mind in new directions, open your mind to new possibilities, avail your mind to new revelations and do things that you have never done before? Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone to explore the unfamiliar, the uncharted, the unpredictable and the unacknowledged?

I truly believe that when our minds grow we give God more space to pour in blessings and to deposit additional wisdom; I believe we literally give God more to work with. When we choose to grow, we welcome change and we welcome the opportunity to be changed.  We welcome being pushed, pulled, pressed and primed for the impossible, the uncomfortable, the unconventional and sometimes, the unacceptable.

When growth3jpgwe are really ready to grow, we risk relationships, rationale, ridicule and reputations to challenge assumptions and  defy limitations. Yes, we know some people will call us crazy. But despite what others say, we chose to nurture, cultivate and develop our minds. We make room for abundance, excellence, failure, discomfort, learning and mastery. We move beyond our intellect and develop our intuition and imagination. We soar beyond our education and seek continued exploration. We move beyond our routines and delve into additional research.We GROW!

Let’s face it. Growth is essential because the knowledge that we have today will not prepare us to succeed or even compete for opportunities tomorrow. Honestly, in some fields and in some relationships, the knowledge that we have today is already obsolete. And if the truth be told – in some areas of our lives we are already behind the eight ball. So, if we are not growing, we are losing momentum every day.

Growth4So, If you are committed to growth, shun complacency, mediocrity, normalcy and the status quo.  Avoid the simple, the ordinary, and the easy. Reject any signs and semblance of stagnation, regression and resignation in your life. Surround yourself with excellence, mentors, meaning-makers, truth-tellers and truth-seekers. Invest in yourself, commit to progress and resist the temptation to quit. Strive to thrive. Pursue progress! Accept advancement! Embrace elevation!  Love learning!

What do you need to choose? To have the life that you desire and deserve, choose Growth. Choose to grow up, grow out and grow in so that God can enlarge your intellectual, emotional, spiritual and financial territories. Give God more to work with so that you can live the life of your dreams. ( from the upcoming book The 50 Choices to a Fulfilling Life)

Choose growth today. The choice is yours.

Blessings! SharRon


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I Know You Ain’t Talking To Me Like That!

love-and-relationships“I know you ain’t talking to me like that!”
I don’t know about you but I have thought or said those words many times when people have spoken to me in ways that I felt were unacceptable or inappropriate. When people have spoken to me in condescending tones or in a patronizing manner, I immediately address their rudeness tactfully, or at least I attempt to. There is something about disrespect and disrespectful communication that shake me at my core. Honestly, it makes my blood boil, and I always feel the need to address it immediately and emphatically, yet diplomatically. As a personal commitment to myself, I always speak up.

Dealing with rude people who I don’t know or don’t have a relationship with is difficult enough. But interacting with people who speak to me in degrading, offensive and patronizing ways who also claim to love and respect me is extremely problematic; it is downright painful.  Listening to a person who claims to love me speak to me in a demeaning way makes me feel a whole range of emotions, and none of the emotions are positive.  And even though there are many psychological and communication theories that explain the impact of tough tones and rough words, I am convinced that my son expressed it best when he was just 4 years old. He said, “Mommy, when you yell at me like that it hurts me in my ears and it hurts me in my heart”.

Wow! The comment stopped me in my tracks and made me realize how careless communication damages the spirit and sometimes causes irrevocable damage in a relationship. Like my son so eloquently expressed, hurtful words and hurtful tones linger in the heart and can reverberate in your ears for weeks, sometimes months and sometimes years.  And the sad part is that you can never recall the words or delete the encounter etched in the minds of your loved ones. You can’t un-ring the proverbial bell.

2 heartsSo I want to offer a few tips that may help you when and if your loved one has a temporary and infrequent communication lapse. In other words, when she/he has a melt-down and has a bout of temporary insanity and speaks to you in a disparaging way. And I emphasize two words: temporary and infrequent. If you and your partner have frequent communication lapses (yelling, biting comments, condescending tones, insults, etc.) or consistently communicate with each other in disrespectful ways that is indicative of a larger problem. Consistent disrespect is beyond the scope of this post.

Tip #1: Recognize that people who feel or have been wounded often yell the loudest and the most. People who don’t feel acknowledged, cared for, appreciated and protected, in general or in the moment, often respond in ways that are totally disproportionate to the situation. Their over-the-top responses and comments are not always all about you. Their responses are usually about their own emotional triggers that have been activated by something or someone. And, many times they are usually not emotionally aware that the have been triggered; they don’t know what’s going on until it is too late. They are just responding and reacting without thinking or considering the impact of their words or identifying the origin of their discontent. They are just lashing out and unfortunately causing all types of emotional trauma in relationships. Does that sound like you?

Tip #2: Recognize that people who feel or have felt powerless may respond aggressively to perceived slights. It is a known fact that people tend to be hyper-sensitive and over-react when they feel vulnerable, weak, helpless and hopeless. When some people don’t feel in control of their circumstances or they don’t feel in control of themselves, they may also project their feelings on to you. Instead of looking inward to effectively address their discomfort, they look outward, and oftentimes outward in your direction. If they are emotionally immature or/and under a significant amount of stress, they may also resort to blaming, shifting responsibility, justifying, yelling or other manipulative tactics in efforts to point the finger at you. Why?  Because looking at themselves is too painful or too overwhelming; sometimes it is just emotionally too hard for them to admit their own pain, issues, mistakes and failures. Also, the hard truth is that most people are better at causing pain for others than they are dealing with or feeling their own pain so lashing out is unfortunately their first defense. Of course that does not absolve them of their responsibility to act in a loving way, but it is something to keep in mind.

Tip #3: Recognize that some people don’t know how to access or explain their emotions and feelings and so they act out. Yes, I said it – adults have tantrums, terrible tantrums. Some adults act up and they act out when they are unable to express their thoughts, feelings and perspectives in way that makes them feel heard. I have even known couples to resort to what I call low level communication – name-calling, cursing, sarcasm, and innuendo when they feel incapable of adequately conveying their sentiments.  In fact, when some people are unable to identify their emotions and articulate their feelings they “hit below the belt” and will sometimes say things that feel unforgivable. If or when they are unable to say “I feel frustrated, I feel scared, I feel ashamed, I feel disappointed, I feel angry, I feel lonely” or whatever the emotion is, they are more prone to respond in childish ways that are emotionally destructive and spiritually damaging to the relationship.

Being spoken to in a way that feels disrespectful is never good; it can feel insulting, embarrassing and humiliating. And when you don’t respond in a way that (you perceive)restores your respect or challenges the disrespect, it can make you feel cowardly and ashamed.  But if we are honest, we all can admit that we have had communication lapses. We all, at one time or another, have done some yelling or have been yelled at during our life. And we all have also been the recipient as well as the perpetrator of some offensive and patronizing interactions too.

communicate-better-w-love_detail200So here is the take-away. When your spouse, partner or loved one has a communication lapse, remind yourself that the reaction is not always solely about you. Some of their reactions may be their own internal emotional stuff surfacing.  So don’t always make it about you and don’t always make it your sole responsibility to placate her/him. Remind your partner that you love her, that you are willing to listen, and that you are willing to help as long as it is done with and in love and with and in respect. Trust me, just knowing that you are willing and ready to listen to him is healing and prevents him for feeling that you don’t care. Not being or feeling heard is a something that we all have felt and it does not feel good, right?

Like I said before, infrequent communication lapses are problematic enough and need to be addressed. But consistent, out of control rants should never been tolerated. As long as communication lapses are the exception and not the rule, be encouraged. You can work on yourself to better identify, process and engage your own emotions. And, you can practice communicating with you partner in a direct, yet loving way.

So if you have a communication lapse, quickly admit your mistake, apologize for communicating in a dishonoring way, and commit to do better. Get help, practice new techniques, read some books and go to relationship coaching. Don’t let a temporary lapse cause you to lose a permanent relationship. Get help! You deserve it and your partner does too.  (From the upcoming book ; ” I Have Learned A Few Things About Love”)

Blessings! SharRon20141218-_DSC4819-Editsharronretouched



We will discuss more tips at the “Are You Ready For Love” Seminar. Have you registered?   Click here! Are You Ready For Love?    Hope to see you there!




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Are You Brave Enough For Love?

Is heart, not horn, that makes ram goat brave.

— African proverb

Are you brave enough for love? I know you want to be in a relationship, but can you handle being in a loving partnership? Can you handle what love requires, what love demands, what love needs, and what love commands? Are you brave enough for love?

loveI have learned that choosing to love and choosing to commit to someone is absolutely courageous. It is a bold move; it is a gutsy decision. Loving someone is an audacious move, because love is full of dichotomies, and dichotomies create emotional tension. For example, a relationship requires that you have to be strong yet tender. You need to be definitive but cautious. Love requires that you be direct yet diplomatic. Love requires that you are flexible yet consistent. Love requires that you sometimes say yes but sometimes say no. Love requires you to talk often but listen more. Love requires and demands much of us.

I have also learned that love requires that you have personal boundaries but, at the same time, not erect emotional walls. Love requires that you bring some wisdom to the relationship but, at the same time, understand that the wisdom you bring may need to be applied differently. Love requires that you know yourself but demands that you continue to learn who you are. Love demands that, in some ways, you evolve but, in other ways, that you remain the same. Love requires that you grow up but demands that you never give up. Love requires much.

2 heartsI have learned that love can be a constant internal struggle; it can sometimes feel like an emotional battle. Why? Because no matter how you slice it, love is full of contrasts. But the people who are successful at love are the ones who can harmonize, synchronize, and optimize the differences in a way that satisfies the soul. Yes, love requires that you courageously work together so that you can stay together, right? It requires that you are brave; it requires courage.

So which one demonstrates more courage—your spirit (heart) or brute strength (horn)? Your feelings (heart) or your force (horn)? Your truth (heart) or your tales (horns)? Your desires (heart) or your deceit (horn)? Your faith (heart) or your fiction (horn)? Your vulnerability (heart) or your vengeance (horn)? Your acceptance (heart) or your attacks (horns)? Your celebration (heart) of others or your negation (horn) of others? Your love (heart) or your hate (horn)? Your motivation (heart) or your manipulation (horn)? Your empathy (heart) or your enmity (horn)? Your appreciation (heart) or your apathy (horn)? Which one makes you brave?

The African ancestors said it best: “Is heart, not horn, that makes ram goat brave.” Always remember that love is not for wimps. So are you brave enough to love? Only you can decide.


***Printed from “I Have Learned A Few Things” – Chapter 13.



Are you brave enough for love? Let’s talk about it on April 2.  Register here below. Register for “Are You Ready For Love” Early Bird Registration ends on March 24th.

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Inexperienced But Not Ill-equipped

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When God placed in my spirit to publish an anthology, I didn’t actually know what an anthology was.  I knew that I wanted, but really was divinely directed, to select writers to embark upon a new writing journey with me. I knew that I wanted women to share their personal stories because I understood the emotional and spiritual power of testimonies. And, I knew that I wanted to include women who were different because I believe that since God created diversity that diversity should be celebrated. That’s all I knew.

But even though I knew those basic things, I had no idea how to proceed.  I had questions, many of them, that made me really wonder if I was up to the task. I had questions like: How do I select the authors? How do I manage such a big project? How do I identify the right publisher? How do I finance the project? How do I execute a marketing strategy? How do I juggle all of the balls needed to birth a project while at the same time working a demanding full-time job, supporting my coaching clients, serving in ministry, editing my upcoming book and taking care of me?  How?

But the more questions I had, the more God quieted my concerns because God reminded me that when God gives vision, God gives provision. God also reminded me that God gives guidance, discernment and direction, and all three are increased in the midst of faith. Finally, God reminded me to use what I had and to use what I knew. I was divinely reminded that even though I was inexperienced,  I was NOT ill-equipped.  There’s a difference.

what you knowPrayerfully, I heeded all of those reminders and moved forward. I took a leap, cautiously but deliberately. I had fear but I didn’t fret.  I prayed and I committed to use what I knew. I disciplined by doubt, calmed my spirit and pressed toward the mark. I honored “the call” to compile an anthology.

I know abandoning our dreams is really easy, especially when the magnitude of our dreams is outside of our experiences and expertise.  Just think about it. How many times do we talk ourselves out of our dreams because we don’t assess what we already know? How many times do we throw in the towel without doing an inventory of all of the lessons that we have learned, all of the talents that we have and all of the people that we know. How many times? In my life, there have been too many times when I deserted my dreams altogether or downsized my dreams to fit my current reality. I played too small in the world which left me with years of painful regret.

So without any publishing expertise, I did what I knew. What did I know? First, I was reminded that I had learned tons of stuff in graduate school, in corporate America, in ministry and in life that provided a good business foundation. No, I didn’t know everything, but I had a good idea of my strengths and my weaknesses.  I knew financing, balance sheets and profit margins. I knew operations, marketing and sales. Most importantly, I knew how I liked to work; I knew what supported my creativity, productivity and efficiency. Knowing yourself is always the first key to success!  

teamwork1Secondly, I knew the importance of a great team. I surveyed who I knew, and here’s the most important part, I identified people who had the same commitment to excellence that I had. That was important.  I also wanted the core team to have a similar work rhythm, and their rhythm had to adjust to the music called life. Having a similar work pace and similar work speed were critical because I knew that an anthology included timelines, required coordination and demanded execution. I wanted to make sure we had a dream team to increase the potential for success.

I also knew that I enjoyed and thrived around a certain type of energy, a “can-do spirit”, that was optimistic, action-oriented and solution-oriented.  I knew that I had an affinity for people who solved problems and not just reported problems. And finally, I also knew that everybody on the core team needed to be comfortable with flexibility, change and diversity. It was a tall order but the goal was simple: synergy.  And I knew that synergy would only develop among people who embraced collaboration, communication and had a genuine concern for themselves and others.

Thankfully, the core team appeared! Some people may say that I got lucky but I think I was blessed because the team not only had the key components for success, they had additional talents that were helpful too. Talents like the ability to understand incoherent text messages, decode half-finished sentences, decipher short voicemail messages and create full sentences from half-baked emails. They had the ability to multi-task, ask for help, push boundaries, defy convention and challenge each other with love, “carefrontation”.  They are a talented group who knew how to manage processes, get along with people and stick to plans. Lucky me, right?

dreamsI have learned that going after your dreams is not easy; sometimes it is not even convenient. Yet, going after your dreams is doable and achievable if you believe in your vision, and if you find the right people to believe in your vision too. Thankfully, I found the right people. I found the right people to help me steer the ship, the right people to share their stories, the right people to support the project and the right people to promote the book.  I found amazing directors who pushed me, pressed me and shared their genius with me. I am so incredibly grateful to them. Thank you!

The people that the team could not find, God sent to us.  God orchestrated people, places and things to help us promote the message and communicate the vision of diversity, unity and sisterhood.  Yes, God did it!

I know that the book signing on Sunday will be an event to most, but to some of us, it will be a celebration. A celebration of a dream realized, a celebration of sisterhood, a celebration of healing and a celebration of hope. But when I look over my life and consider all of the challenges I faced in 2015, the book signing will be a celebration of God and God’s grace. It will be a testament of God’s power to keep me when I didn’t think I could be kept, love me when I didn’t feel lovable, encourage me in the midst of deep personal pain and to push me outside of my introverted comfort zone. It will be a celebration…God did it!

TSOMProfile PictureSo what’s the strength of my soul?  The strength of my soul is the belief that God is the essence, the expression and the epitome of grace, love and renewal.  And because of that belief when I hold the book in my hands, I sense God’s divine presence. I feel God’s power, prominence and purpose in this amazing project that honors women from all walks of life.

We could have done some things differently, and we will, in our next edition. But the lessons learned, the wisdom gained and the joy we experienced are blessings, blessings that help us know God, know ourselves and know each other in new ways. We learned a lot, and we are continuing to learn as we market the book, develop seminars, plan a conference and write plays. We are learning about the power of sisterhood, the power of faith and the power of vision.  To quote the title of one of my books, we “have learned a few things”.

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Thank you again for supporting The Strength of My Soul: Stories of Sisterhood, Triumph and Inspiration. I am grateful for your patience, prayers and support as we birthed this incredible project.  I am grateful for every purchase, every connection, every opportunity and for every encouraging word that you have shared with all of us. I hope to see you on Sunday and I can’t wait to hug you and say thank you in person.  I am so grateful!


Blessings to you always


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Listen To Your Soul

Happy New Year!

Are you ready to soar in 2016? Are you ready to live your best life? I am and I bet you are too.

I am ready to go to a new level in every aspect of my life; I am ready to be better, greater and bolder. I am ready to be MORE of me! Are you?

So, here is the $10K question:  how do you become MORE of yourself?  I am glad that you asked. You listen to your own soul.

listenListening to your soul is not always easy to do especially because we are bombarded by messages, mandates and mantras of who we should be, what we should be, what we should do and what we should want. We are barraged by so many should messages that sometimes it is difficult to discern and hear our own voices over the noise of the crowd (family, friends, society).

But despite all of the external and internal distractions, listening to your soul is doable. How do you listen? The first step is to find a quiet place and ask yourself this question: who am I?

“Who am I” is a simple question, but it is a question that takes time, meditation and intention. Why? Because to really determine and know who you are, you have to mentally peel away all of the layers of your personas, separate yourself from your accomplishments, quiet your insatiable ego, detach from your possessions, divest of your preconceived ideas, abandon all of the societal labels, identify your hidden agendas and disconnect from your relationships in order to tell yourself the truth.

Yes, you MUST tell yourself the entire, raw naked truth about who you really are without all of your stuff – degrees, education, homes, expectations, money, connections, networks, roles, positions and possessions.  You have to strip away all of your external baggage, your embedded beliefs and your childhood programming so that you can get to the core of who you are – your truth.

falsehood_truthGetting to the truth or the core of who you are may not  be easy; is a process. The unveiling of your core may take time.  It may take tons of questions, and many of your questions may not immediately have answers. But ASK yourself the “who am I” question and then QUESTION your answers.  Critically reflect on your responses, and honestly  examine your heart, mind and soul. Trust me, sometimes the sifting and the pondering of your answers produces the most clarity and the greatest insight into who you really are.

I wish you well as you embark and/or continue on your “I AM” journey to self-discovery. Even if the journey takes longer than expected, don’t give up. Stay focused and stay curious about who you are. Once you know who you really are, you can better design a life that supports, sustains, satisfies and strengthens you. That’s incentive enough right?

I have provided a link from an interview that shares parts of my own self-discovery journey. Like your journey, my journey was a process too. I hope this interview provides food for thought. .Click Here

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I am also publishing an anthology called The Strength of My Soul: Stories of Sisterhood, Triumph and Inspiration. The anthology is a collection of stories that celebrates the strength of 27 women who overcame challenges in their lives.  Their stories changed my life and I can’t wait to share their stories with you so stay tuned. The book will be released later this month.


Enjoy the interview and why not pre-order The Strength of My Soul now so that you can get it right off the press? We are offering free shipping until January 17th. You can order here.Order here

Thank you again for your time! I look forwarding to our new year together. 2016 is going to be epic.

Blessings!  SharRon SharRon


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Self- Confidence – How do you define?


I was featured on a radio show about self-confidence. I would love for you to take a listen and I would love to hear from you.

SharRon Jamison is helping women step into their power through her books and coaching but her life was never that way. She lives life by being her authentic self without caring what others think of her.

As a child, she was ridiculed and degraded because of the color of her skin which gave her low self confidence. It went as far as going through depression but she knew she had to make a choice so that she can be the person she is today.

Find out what it takes to be a misfit in the world and why it can be good for your soul.

Click here to listen to the episode ===>


How do you define self-confidence?

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You Still Have Time!

it is not too lateThis week a few of my clients said that it was too late to start new projects or to set new goals because it was the end of the year. I understand that line of thinking. I like to set new goals at the beginning of the year myself. Something about starting in January makes me feel as if I am creating a new reality, embarking on a new journey and charting a new course.

But over the years I have learned that starting over, making changes or shifting priorities are not activities that should be only limited to January. In fact, growing, assessing and adjusting our plans are activities that we should do regularly to ensure that our heads, hands and hearts are in alignment.  Trust me –  being in alignment and being open to adjustments make us more effective, more focused and more authentic. Because let’s face it – who wants to stay committed to a plan that is not producing, a relationship that is not fulfilling or an idea that is not liberating.  Who wants or needs that? None of us do! So if you are committed to living the life that you desire and deserve, welcome change, embrace new launches and take off.

So even though it is almost December, you still have time to pursue your dreams, make changes in your life and contribute to the world. You still have time to follow your purpose, honor your passion and follow your divine path. You still have time to make different choices, make needed changes and accept new challenges. You still have time!

START-PHOTOSo start moving. Forge ahead! Keep going! Start anew! Go for it! Just do it! You have everything you need to accomplish your goals…..everything. You don’t believe me? Just take a good look.

LOOK around you and see opportunities, options and offers. LOOK inside of you and see vision, victory and vitality. LOOK above you and see potential, possibilities and promise. LOOK beside you and see support, systems and success. Yes, take a good LOOK! LOOK and see your dreams waiting to be pursued, your goals waiting to be accomplished, your destiny waiting to be fulfilled and your significant other waiting to be loved. Take a good LOOK!

I havBook-Bundlee authored 2 books that will help you get started ( I Have Learned A Few Things and I Can Depend On Me).  And, I believe that both will help you finish strong even as 2015 comes to a  close.  Both books are filled with questions, critical questions,  that will help you evaluate and reflect on your own life. I Have Learned A Few Things and I Can Depend On Me are available on the website. You can access the books by clicking on the picture on the left.

In addition, I have 2 more books coming out in mid-January that will be great resources for you as you plan your goals for 2016. One book is called 50 Choices To A More Fulfilling Life and the other book is an anthology written with 27 amazing women called The Strength of My Soul: Stories of Sisterhood, Triumph and Inspiration. Both books are life-changing and life-enriching. They both will help you evaluate if you are living your life to your fullest potential and ability OR if you are settling for mediocrity. Sounds interesting….

It is almost December but 2015 is not over so don’t concede defeat!  You still have 50+ days in 2015 to make a difference. You still have time. .You can win, and in the words of Nike… JUST DO IT! 

I hope this video inspires you to JUST DO IT!

Dare to Soar Higher!

Blessings to you always!



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Do you know that you are ENOUGH? Trust me, it is difficult to remember that we are enough especially when the media, society and sometimes even our family members send messages, even subtle messages, that we don’t measure up. But I want to remind you that you are enough! You are creative enough, smart enough, bold enough, tall enough, young enough, old enough, gifted enough, talented enough and a tons of other “enoughs” to do what you have been created to do. You are enough!

So every day, remind yourself that you are enough! You are enough, and you have the potential to bring value to every person you meet. You are enough, and you have the ability to do significant things in the world. You are enough and you have the capacity to pursue your dreams and follow your destiny. You are enough, and you deserve to be loved deeply and fully. YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

YOU ARE ENOUGH! You always were and you will always be ENOUGH! Remember that. Know that. And, embrace that.

I hope you enjoy this short video and I hope it encourages your soul.

If you are interested in learning how to better honor and celebrate your own greatness, please contact me at or complete a contact form at www.SharRonJamison. I would be honored to share more with you.

Blessings to you always!



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What’s Blocking You? Your Attitude?

Attitude-Word-Cloud“It is not your aptitude, it’s your attitude”. How many times have you heard that phrase?  I can’t remember exactly how many times I have heard the phrase repeated but I know it has to be over 500 times. I have heard the phrase proclaimed from the pulpit, broadcasted from TV, shared in the classroom, popularized in books and admonished at home. It was a mantra that most leaders touted to the masses and the mantra promoted on billboards. In the 80s and even in some circles today, it was the “in” phrase, the buzz phrase, used by motivators, teachers, preachers and anybody in authority. And even those who had never been in corporate America or in leadership positions had their own way of sharing the same advice. They would tell us to “watch yourself” and all of us, especially my friends, knew what those 2 words meant.  Although our parents and grandparents never worked in Corporate America, they had wisdom; they understood the “system” without ever working in the system.  They had gained insight from years of working around the movers and shakers and their advice was always helpful, strategic, and relevant.

I knew having a good attitude was important. When I started my career in corporate America, I was told that my attitude would determine my altitude, my future. I was told, but really warned: if you want to climb the corporate ladder, watch your disposition and monitor your behavior.  And since there were few women and even fewer African Americans in the pharmaceutical industry in the 1980s, I was given a few more instructions about having and displaying a good attitude. Due to socially accepted sexism and racism in the 1980’s, there were a few more rules for me to follow, and a few more ways for me to display a “good attitude”. Because of who I was and because of who society thought I was or really convinced I was, I had to do some extra stuff to prove that my attitude was positive.  For some reason, it was my responsibility to make sure others felt comfortable being around me even though it was one of me and hundreds of them. Trust me, I felt the pressure.

attitudeI must admit that having a good attitude was pretty confusing for a young 22-year old woman entering the corporate world. My entrance was made even harder by the advice I received from my white male mentors who sometimes gave contradictory advice. I was warned to be visible but not too vocal. Of course, I had no idea what “too vocal” meant. I was told to stand out but not too much.  Huh? What did that mean?  I was told to smile but not to show too many teeth. I practiced smiling hundreds of times but I never understood how wide was too wide.  I was taught how to dress and how to look confident but not too cocky around the powerbrokers.  I was even admonished to watch my speech patterns and to shy away from any “black talk”, which was their way of me reminding me never to use slang.

You know that last admonition especially got under my skin, and of course, I was deeply offended. I wanted to say “man, I am a recent college graduate but I am not a fool.  I am a black woman in America and I have been taught, really drilled, on how to navigate around society’s myopic beliefs since I was born”. I also wanted to ask “do you give the white women the same insulting instructions, or just me?” But I kept quiet; I listened and took notes.

I was given a litany of unofficial “I will deny it if you ever mention it” lists, of do’s and don’ts to ensure that I was perceived by the decision makers as having a “good attitude”. In so many ways and in so many words, I was cautioned, but sometimes I felt as if I was threatened, about my attitude. It was clear that my attitude could be my greatest asset or my Achilles heel; in my case, my attitude was both.

I can’t really sayattitude_is_everything1 that I heeded all of the advice of my mentors until I reached my late twenties.  I was an idealist because my parents raised me to believe that I had unlimited potential and that I should never settle for mediocrity. They taught me to never live my life based on limits established by OTHERS, and so I worked my butt off.  I was optimistic, impressionable and determined.  I really thought my education and expertise would be enough to move up the corporate ladder. I believed that my proficiency and competency would be recognized and rewarded with big raises, huge bonuses and coveted promotions. Boy, was I wrong! My skills were applauded, but it was my spirit, but really how my spirit was perceived, that limited my ascension. No, it was not my talent that stunted my success, it was my temperament, but really their perception of my temperament, that caused my advancement delays. It was the perceptions of people who didn’t know how to deal with difference and diversity that hindered my career. But that’s another book right?

I tried to have the “right attitude”. I was friendly and I was approachable. I laughed at all of the jokes, attended all of the unofficial, but official, gatherings and played the political games. I tried to fit in even though it was obvious that my gender and color disqualified me from certain conversations and barred me from certain positions. However, I was allowed to exist, albeit marginally, in some corporate circles. But that’s another story too. I will say more about those experiences in my next book.

But over the years, what I learned was that having a “good attitude” was totally subjective; there was not one definition or standard that applied to all organizations. The lack of consistency and the ambiguity made having or portraying a “good attitude” tough or nearly impossible. And most of all, the inconsistency made attempting to convey positivity emotionally draining; it was a struggle. Because really, how could I comply with a definition that was ambiguous, mutable and subject to the whims of observers who didn’t know me or more importantly, who really didn’t know themselves? Hard question, right?

attitude2So, how do we know if our attitudes are positive, especially since what is appreciated and acceptable in one organization is a CLIM (career limiting move) in another? How do we navigate corporate cultures and office politics so that we are viewed as receptive, pleasant, collaborative and approachable? How do we present ourselves in the most positive light to potential investors, potential clients and potential business partners?

I wish I knew all of the answers but I don’t. But almost 30 years in corporate America have taught me one important lesson: don’t worry so much about what’s going on around you, be more concerned about what’s going on in you.  Yes, monitor your spirit because your spirit is the only thing that you can control. It’s the only thing that you can truly manage and protect– for better or worse. It the only thing that you can shift and adjust to accommodate situations and circumstances. Your spirit and the responsibility of your spirit is yours and yours alone.

So in the midst of inconsistent definitions and subjective standards, how do we make sure we develop and maintain  “good attitudes”? How do we project a spirit of positivity and abundance so that we attract wealth, nurture healthy relationships, allow space for love, encourage collaboration and welcome support?  In others words, how do we cultivate positive attitudes despite the vicissitudes of life that allow us to soar?

attitude is achoice I believe that there are 3 main ways.  First, I believe having a positive attitude is a result of knowing who you are as a person; knowing who you really are at your spiritual core.   I believe that having a positive attitude comes from a deep-rooted knowing that you are amazing, accomplished and armed for victory, achievement and significance.  It comes from a deep knowing in the pit of your stomach that you are destined for greatness, and understanding that your greatness is not predicted nor defined by profits, promotions, positions, possessions and people.

I also believe having a positive attitude comes from knowing that no one determines your greatness; only you do. And that knowing liberates you from changing and contorting your spirit to fit societal norms that are limiting at best, and confining at worse.  Trust me, when we truly know our value and when we like ourselves, accept ourselves, and celebrate ourselves, we have an inner joy that is unspeakable, untouchable, and unparalleled. Now how is that for a positive attitude? A positive attitude is a result of YOU  knowing YOU!

atitudewithtthumbThe second way to ensure that we have a positive attitude is to know our purpose, our divine WHY? When we are clear about our divine WHY, our divine assignment, we feel courageous enough to accept our divine missions; we feel guided. We feel  a “drawing” or a pull in our spirits, and if we follow that pull, we feel totally aligned and congruent with God’s plan for our lives. And because we feel focused, directed and engaged, we naturally become more enthusiastic, emboldened and energized about life. We invest in ourselves, we commit to oursevles and most of all, we understand ourselves. We don’t feel as if we are floundering, scattered, mismatched and out of sync with our very souls. We feel relevant, real, relaxed and ready to pursue our God-given agendas with vigor because we know that we are following God’s will for our lives. I truly believe that feeling connected and actively engaged in our divine purpose, our divine WHY, satisfies a deep longing in our souls; that satisfaction is the origin of a positive attitude. A positive attitude comes from knowing and living your divine WHY!

Finally, I believe having a positive attitude emanates from God. Even though we may have or use different names to describe the Spirit, God is the author and creator of everything. To me, God is!  And God gave all of us a promise:   that we would be the head and never the tail. Knowing and believing that we will be elevated, empowered and positioned for the best of what God has in store for us, if we are willing to accept it, guarantees a positive life, and consequently a positive attitude.  (Just for the record, I didn’t say an easy, stress-free life). Knowing that God is in us, with us and goes before us reminds us that we are not alone as we travel on this journey called life. A positive attitude comes from knowing that God IS and from knowing that you are.

soarattitudEarl Nightingale said it best: “Attitude is not the result of success; success is the result of a great attitude”. So have a great attitude! Know who you are, accept your divine assignment, but most of all, believe in your God-given promise.  Go, grow and live your life without the demands, dictates and directions of those who may never appreciate you, applaud you or even acknowledge you.  Develop and maintain a positive attitude based on your inner foundation and your own inner knowing of who you are. Believe me, that’s where your joy lies and that inner joy is what generates a positive attitude that is safe from the distractions and definitions of the world.

Have a Positive Attitude! Dare to Soar Higher! Success awaits you.

Join us on Saturday, Sept 19th, when Kim J. King and I will discuss the importance of Purpose, Passion and Power. You can register at the Event Tab.

Blessings to you always!





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What’s Blocking You? (Who Are You Hanging With?) – Part 3

Royalty-free 3d people computer generated clipart picture image of four orange people holding hands while standing on connected blue puzzle pieces, symbolizing teamwork, and interlinking for seo website marketing.Moving forward in our lives is not always easy. Even when we know exactly what we want to do or where we want to go, making our dreams a reality can seem impossible, impractical and just downright irrational. At least, that has been my experience. But success, however you define it, is within your reach if you know what’s blocking you or if you know what has the potential to block you. Do you agree?

In the beginning of the “What’s Blocking You” series, we talked about the importance of knowing who you are and being self-aware.  I personally believe that SELF-AWARENESS is the gateway to true wisdom, true power and true understanding.  Through self-awareness we better appreciate our history, needs, desires, talents and skills which help us create life strategies to enjoy lives of abundance and prosperity. Knowing ourselves also helps us formulate our plans, pursue our goals and execute our tactics based on our temperaments, passions and divine assignments. Never forget that you can only “do you” if you really know who YOU are and WHAT you need. Self-Awareness is vital.

The second step we discussed was taking ACTION. I heard it said many times before that knowing what you want is easy, BUT knowing how to get what you want is hard. Yes, the “HOW” factor is what feels so intimidating and overwhelming that we are tempted to throw in the towel and abandon our dreams.  For most people, the “HOW” is what hinders us, hurts us and halts us.  The “HOW” is what prevents us from sharing our unique gifts with the world.

I am not underestimating the “HOW” conundrum, no not at all.  The “HOW” is indeed a challenge but it doesn’t have to be a roadblock. Here’s the truth: most successful people never know exactly what to do all of the time. On their road to success and significance, many times they only see the next step in front of them, not the entire staircase. But, successful people trust the process. They trust that the next steps will be realized and revealed when needed to ensure their success. Trust me – successful people know that THEY don’t know it all, but they are confident that they know ENOUGH to get started. And, knowing enough IS enough to activate your dreams.

teamSo take inventory of what you know and why you know; initially focus on those two variables.  I am confident that you will discover that you already know a lot, and you will also realize that God has already endowed you with enough wisdom to win. Trust that the seeds ( your gifts and talents) of your harvest (your success) were planted in your spirit before you were born.  The seeds were encoded in your DNA. So let the seeds take root in your spirit. Water the seeds, nurture them and watch them grow.

The third step is to choose the right ASSOCIATES. Here is where things get tricky and here is where we get tested. The research suggests that you and I are the sum total of the 5 people we hang around the most. Interesting right? So let’s be honest. When you survey the people closest to you, are those people growing emotionally, spiritually, intellectually or financially? Do the people that you associate with the most have a commitment to greatness, excellence and prosperity? Do they know their mission, methods, message, meaning and mistakes? Do they travel physically or vicariously to broaden their minds, widen their perspectives or expand their purviews? Do they read and lead or do they wallow and follow?

Hard questions…. yes! But you and your life are too important to be spent with people who invite misery, create mess, choose mediocrity, enjoy complacency and prefer mayhem.  Your time is too valuable to be pulled into drama. You vision is too vital to be limited by stinking thinking. And, you are too victorious to be confined by societal norms.

Choosing associates demands that we make some discerning choices about people, and choices cannot be based on longevity alone. Why? Because just because a person has been in your life for a long time does not mean they should have continued access to you. Having access to you or being in your circle should be based on 4 variables: Vision, Values, Voice and Veracity.  Yes, you knew all of the words were going to start with the same letter. If not, I would not be me. (I discuss the 4 V’s in my “Foundation for Elevation” Seminar.  The seminar is planned for 4th quarter 2015.)
teamwork1For many of us, deciding to reposition people in our lives is sometimes difficult. It is especially difficult for those of us who have felt the sting of rejection ourselves.  I understand; I have been rejected many times and rejection never feels good.

But here are some factors to consider.  Should we let people stay in our lives if they are emotionally needy, financially greedy or downright seedy? Should we allow people in our lives who constantly minimize our dreams, devalue our vision and disrupt our momentum? Should we allow people in our circle who are not loyal to us, secretly covet our lives and speak to us in disparaging ways? Should we feel obligated because we share DNA or a past? These are questions that you, and only you can determine. But here is an adage to consider: Life is like an elevator. Sometimes on your way up, you have to stop and let some people off. Something to pause, ponder and pray about, right?

We all have divine assignments; we all have a purpose. Yes, we all need people; we are hard-wired for connection. But despite our need to be connected and engaged with people, we still must be discerning. We still must do our best to ensure that we choose people to travel with us in life who can help us soar. We also have to be discerning to make sure we choose people whom we can also offer assistance and support to help them soar. Reciprocity and mutuality are important. ( I share more about how to choose the right people for your life in my book, I Have Learned A Few Things and in my workshop called “ The 7 Critical Relationships that Affect Your Life”.)
teamwork2Soaring in life and feeling fulfilled is what I call living in abundance.  In my heart, I believe that living in abundance is really how we ALL desire and deserve to live, don’t you? We all want rewarding, satisfying and thriving personal and professional lives.

So, how do you start the process to live more abundant lives? First, commit to self-awareness – know who you are and what you need. Secondly, take action even if you don’t know or understand all of the factors needed to succeed. Trust that you know enough and trust that when God gives vision, God always gives provision. Thirdly, pick the right associates. People should bless you not break you, promote you not pester you, lift you not lower you, and complement you not compete with you. Your closest associates should help you SOAR, never sink.

I look forward to continuing this series in the coming weeks. But in the in the meantime “What’s Blocking You”? I know in my soul that the answer for me and the answer for you is the same:  absolutely nothing.

Make sure you read the first two articles in the series. I am sure that the articles will provide food for thought.  Please visit my website and contact me in you have questions. I would love to hear from you.

If you are interested in learning more about working with me, please schedule a complimentary 30 minute Discovery Session. I would be honored to serve and support you, your family or your organization.

Dare to Soar Higher!



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