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Looking and Seeing Ain’t the Same!

Looking-at-things-from-others-point-view.jpg-I have learned that “seeing” someone is not the same thing as “looking” at someone. Looking at someone only provides information about their appearance. It merely provides information about their style of dress, mannerisms, height, and weight—external stuff. And you still may not understand the external stuff if it is outside of your experience and beyond your purview.

But seeing someone provides information about their soul. It gives us pertinent information about their desires, fears, hopes, and dreams. It exposes us to their experiences that shaped their lives and educates us about their histories that inform their decisions. Seeing someone helps us understand how they navigate in the world or helps us realize how they are forced to exist. Seeing someone allows us to see some of who they are, not all, just some of who they are. We will never see all of them; sometimes there are elements of their lives that they themselves may not even know.

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I have learned a hard lesson. I have learned that no matter how objective or how willing you are, really seeing someone is difficult. It is tough because it is hard to walk a mile in someone’s shoes, and sometimes it is even harder to even want to walk in their shoes.

It is also hard to challenge our assumptions, because we know everything, right? We are the experts on everything, and we know everybody—at least that is how we behave. We have been through everything and been everywhere, and there is nothing that we haven’t experienced, or at least that is how we act. We are the authorities on all cultures, faith traditions, and social systems—or at least, on some level, that is what we believe. And of course, we all understand all the details and nuances of our neighbors’ lives even though we have never spoken to our neighbors and cannot even identify them in a crowd if we do. We know it all, don’t we?

you don't know it allWhat if we really believed that we needed to meet a person before we actually knew them? What if we sincerely understood and accepted that how we live our lives is not the guide for the rest of humanity? What if we believed that how and whom we love are not the only ways to love?

What if we appreciated that our norms and beliefs are not the rubrics for the rest of the world? What if we believed that our families are not the prototypes for all families and communities? What if we agreed that our definition of success is not the only definition that matters? What if we recognized that all people have value regardless of their race, culture, class, income, gender, sexual orientation, age, ability, or faith? What if we acknowledged that our way is not the only way? What if we really believed that we don’t know it all? Maybe, just maybe, it will be easier to see someone else in all their glory, in all their humanity, and in all their divinity.

Counseling-Testing-Lets-Talk-LogoJust for today, intentionally try to see someone. Patiently challenge yourself to look beyond the clothes, cars, and circumstances, and see the person you are talking to. Listen to what they say, and tune your spirit to hear what they don’t say. Courageously ask questions about concepts and experiences you don’t understand. See them, because when you do, you can better see yourself. I promise.

 

Blessings!

SharRon

***Adapted from my book,  I Have Learned A Few Things, Chapter 15

 

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My interview on Motivate U with June Archer

I am so grateful to June Archer for giving me an opportunity to share my message. Thank you!

To learn more about this amazing man, author, speaker, business owner and father, follow him at www.iamjunearcher.com or Click Here.

You don’t want to miss his other inspirational podcasts….https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/motivate-u!-with-june-archer

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You Can’t Heal and Hide!

2 heartsI have learned that you can’t hide and heal at the same time. I had to learn that lesson the hard way, because for years, I tried to hide my depression. I tried to conceal my unhappiness by being excessively cheerful. I tried to hide my despair by being overly optimistic. I tried to hide my lack of sleep by ingesting large doses of caffeine. I tried to hide my untidy home by refusing visitors. I tried to camouflage my fluctuating weight with loose-fitting clothes. I tried to hide my insecurity by habitually overcommitting and overpromising. Most of my daily existence centered around me hiding parts of me, the parts that society convinced me were weak, embarrassing, and demonic. So every day, I attempted to hide the broken pieces of my spirit and cover up the open wounds of my soul. However, every day my depression demanded to be seen and felt. Despite my prayers and pleas, my depression would not go away.

I did everything in my power to keep my secret, and I went to great lengths to disguise any signs and symptoms of my extreme sadness. I did everything I knew to do to hide in plain sight. Eventually, hiding became my norm, and I lost the ability to identify who I really was and what I really felt. I got cocky and somehow convinced myself that my depression was concealed from the rest of the world. Sadly, I actually started to believe that I was okay, that I was well, and that I was functioning. I even convinced myself that my feelings of despair and lethargy were normal. I existed in a sea of denial.

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I was in denial, but my inner circle wasn’t fooled at all. They didn’t know it was called depression, but they speculated that something was awry. Something was off-kilter or different about me even though they could not define it or diagnose it. They knew I was not as cheerful or joyful as I appeared to be. Even though I went to great lengths to camouflage my symptoms and disguise my despair, my inner circle sensed that something wasn’t adding up. My actions and attitude were not aligned.

Eventually, the pain became so great that I had to admit that “something” was wrong. I didn’t have a word for what I experienced, and I could not imagine that the emotional pain and sluggishness that robbed me of any modicum of normalcy were common. I finally realized and accepted that I needed help but that, most of all, I needed hope. But I could get neither by hiding from myself and hiding from people who loved me. I had to “come out” and admit and acknowledge that my life and my very orchestrated and protected persona were a scam. If I wanted healing, I could no longer hide; I had to “get known” and be seen.

women_s_liberation_statueOne of the most healing days in my life is when I came out of hiding. When I stepped out and stepped forward to admit that I needed help, I was freed. When I announced to myself and a few trusted friends that I needed support, I felt relieved and empowered. I felt courageous, and my admission opened the door to my recovery, and I thankfully was able to reclaim my life.

I know it is not easy but if you are hurting, please  come out of hiding.  Even if you have to do it slowly, come. Come out and speak! Speak up, speak out, and speak often. Be seen! Own your stuff! Your own voice may be the voice that brings you and others help, hope, and healing.

No, you can’t hide and heal. But you can reveal and heal. You can, trust me you can! I believe in you.

Blessings and Dare To Soar Higher!  SharRonsharron-back cover

 

 

 

Emotional Healing Interview – Channel 57

 

Adapted from a chapter in ” I Have Learned A Few Things”

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Go Back To What Made You Strong

Healthy_Heart_Strong_Muscles_I believe it is at the weakest times of our lives that it is important to remember what made US strong. So many times we get overwhelmed, we feel depressed, we feel depleted or we feel defeated. We stop building ourselves, nourishing ourselves, growing ourselves and loving ourselves. We forget what made us strong!

And when we don’t remember what fortified us and sustained us, we start to sink. We begin to play small, we become stagnant and we settle for less than what we deserve. We succumb to mediocrity, sickness, toxic relationships and we neglect self-care.

It is time to remember what helped US and encouraged US to BE strong.

three3 things keep me strong: a healthy body, a clear mind and a pure heart. No, I don’t have all 3 of them right now but I am working on it. I am doing my best and I am pressing forward and onward. I don’t let failure intimidate or immobilize me. I keep getting up every time I fall down or worse, after I sabotage my own efforts. But I don’t and won’t give up. I keep trying even if my “try” looks different day by day.

If you want to change or elevate your life, what do you do? You GO BACK TO WHAT MADE YOU STRONG!

How do you do that? First, reflect on your life and ask yourself a few questions.  For example: When did you feel empowered, engaged, excited, enlighten and elevated? When did you feel encouraged, motivated, inspired and ready to take on challenges? When did you feel fearless, faithful and fulfilled? When did your feel satisfied, successful, smart and sexy? When?

After you identify when, reflect on what you were doing? Were you meditating, writing, going to school, building a business, strengthening your body, expanding your mind? Maybe you were letting your NO be a NO and your Yes be a Yes?  Maybe you were not trying to be a people pleaser which allowed you to focus on yourself? Maybe you were not biting off my than you could chew or do?  Maybe you were cultivating healthy relationships that fed your mind, body and soul? What were you doing?

Identify what made you strong and don’t just return to those activities, enhance those activities. Do them better and bigger!  Make the activities that strengthen you a priority in your life. Be consistent so that you don’t lose momentum again or lose yourself again. Stay focused on you because You deserve and need your strength to do what you have been destined to do. YOU have a purpose to fulfill and a divine assignment to complete!

There is so much more for you to do in the world. The world needs your unique gift!! So, let’s get ready to be our best Selves. We can do it together!

If you are  interested in learning how I can support you to “go back”, please schedule a FREE discovery session. I can’t wait to meet you.

Blessings and Dare To Soar Higher!

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SharRon

 

 

If you are free on May 14, join us!

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Growth Is A Choice

Growth2Growth is a CHOICE! Choose to expand your mind and God will enlarge your territory.

Everybody wants to grow or at least that is what most people claim. But do you really want to grow? Do you really want to broaden your horizons? Do you really want to stretch your mind in new directions, open your mind to new possibilities, avail your mind to new revelations and do things that you have never done before? Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone to explore the unfamiliar, the uncharted, the unpredictable and the unacknowledged?

I truly believe that when our minds grow we give God more space to pour in blessings and to deposit additional wisdom; I believe we literally give God more to work with. When we choose to grow, we welcome change and we welcome the opportunity to be changed.  We welcome being pushed, pulled, pressed and primed for the impossible, the uncomfortable, the unconventional and sometimes, the unacceptable.

When growth3jpgwe are really ready to grow, we risk relationships, rationale, ridicule and reputations to challenge assumptions and  defy limitations. Yes, we know some people will call us crazy. But despite what others say, we chose to nurture, cultivate and develop our minds. We make room for abundance, excellence, failure, discomfort, learning and mastery. We move beyond our intellect and develop our intuition and imagination. We soar beyond our education and seek continued exploration. We move beyond our routines and delve into additional research.We GROW!

Let’s face it. Growth is essential because the knowledge that we have today will not prepare us to succeed or even compete for opportunities tomorrow. Honestly, in some fields and in some relationships, the knowledge that we have today is already obsolete. And if the truth be told – in some areas of our lives we are already behind the eight ball. So, if we are not growing, we are losing momentum every day.

Growth4So, If you are committed to growth, shun complacency, mediocrity, normalcy and the status quo.  Avoid the simple, the ordinary, and the easy. Reject any signs and semblance of stagnation, regression and resignation in your life. Surround yourself with excellence, mentors, meaning-makers, truth-tellers and truth-seekers. Invest in yourself, commit to progress and resist the temptation to quit. Strive to thrive. Pursue progress! Accept advancement! Embrace elevation!  Love learning!

What do you need to choose? To have the life that you desire and deserve, choose Growth. Choose to grow up, grow out and grow in so that God can enlarge your intellectual, emotional, spiritual and financial territories. Give God more to work with so that you can live the life of your dreams. ( from the upcoming book The 50 Choices to a Fulfilling Life)

Choose growth today. The choice is yours.

Blessings! SharRon

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I Know You Ain’t Talking To Me Like That!


love-and-relationships“I know you ain’t talking to me like that!”
I don’t know about you but I have thought or said those words many times when people have spoken to me in ways that I felt were unacceptable or inappropriate. When people have spoken to me in condescending tones or in a patronizing manner, I immediately address their rudeness tactfully, or at least I attempt to. There is something about disrespect and disrespectful communication that shake me at my core. Honestly, it makes my blood boil, and I always feel the need to address it immediately and emphatically, yet diplomatically. As a personal commitment to myself, I always speak up.

Dealing with rude people who I don’t know or don’t have a relationship with is difficult enough. But interacting with people who speak to me in degrading, offensive and patronizing ways who also claim to love and respect me is extremely problematic; it is downright painful.  Listening to a person who claims to love me speak to me in a demeaning way makes me feel a whole range of emotions, and none of the emotions are positive.  And even though there are many psychological and communication theories that explain the impact of tough tones and rough words, I am convinced that my son expressed it best when he was just 4 years old. He said, “Mommy, when you yell at me like that it hurts me in my ears and it hurts me in my heart”.

Wow! The comment stopped me in my tracks and made me realize how careless communication damages the spirit and sometimes causes irrevocable damage in a relationship. Like my son so eloquently expressed, hurtful words and hurtful tones linger in the heart and can reverberate in your ears for weeks, sometimes months and sometimes years.  And the sad part is that you can never recall the words or delete the encounter etched in the minds of your loved ones. You can’t un-ring the proverbial bell.

2 heartsSo I want to offer a few tips that may help you when and if your loved one has a temporary and infrequent communication lapse. In other words, when she/he has a melt-down and has a bout of temporary insanity and speaks to you in a disparaging way. And I emphasize two words: temporary and infrequent. If you and your partner have frequent communication lapses (yelling, biting comments, condescending tones, insults, etc.) or consistently communicate with each other in disrespectful ways that is indicative of a larger problem. Consistent disrespect is beyond the scope of this post.

Tip #1: Recognize that people who feel or have been wounded often yell the loudest and the most. People who don’t feel acknowledged, cared for, appreciated and protected, in general or in the moment, often respond in ways that are totally disproportionate to the situation. Their over-the-top responses and comments are not always all about you. Their responses are usually about their own emotional triggers that have been activated by something or someone. And, many times they are usually not emotionally aware that the have been triggered; they don’t know what’s going on until it is too late. They are just responding and reacting without thinking or considering the impact of their words or identifying the origin of their discontent. They are just lashing out and unfortunately causing all types of emotional trauma in relationships. Does that sound like you?

Tip #2: Recognize that people who feel or have felt powerless may respond aggressively to perceived slights. It is a known fact that people tend to be hyper-sensitive and over-react when they feel vulnerable, weak, helpless and hopeless. When some people don’t feel in control of their circumstances or they don’t feel in control of themselves, they may also project their feelings on to you. Instead of looking inward to effectively address their discomfort, they look outward, and oftentimes outward in your direction. If they are emotionally immature or/and under a significant amount of stress, they may also resort to blaming, shifting responsibility, justifying, yelling or other manipulative tactics in efforts to point the finger at you. Why?  Because looking at themselves is too painful or too overwhelming; sometimes it is just emotionally too hard for them to admit their own pain, issues, mistakes and failures. Also, the hard truth is that most people are better at causing pain for others than they are dealing with or feeling their own pain so lashing out is unfortunately their first defense. Of course that does not absolve them of their responsibility to act in a loving way, but it is something to keep in mind.

Tip #3: Recognize that some people don’t know how to access or explain their emotions and feelings and so they act out. Yes, I said it – adults have tantrums, terrible tantrums. Some adults act up and they act out when they are unable to express their thoughts, feelings and perspectives in way that makes them feel heard. I have even known couples to resort to what I call low level communication – name-calling, cursing, sarcasm, and innuendo when they feel incapable of adequately conveying their sentiments.  In fact, when some people are unable to identify their emotions and articulate their feelings they “hit below the belt” and will sometimes say things that feel unforgivable. If or when they are unable to say “I feel frustrated, I feel scared, I feel ashamed, I feel disappointed, I feel angry, I feel lonely” or whatever the emotion is, they are more prone to respond in childish ways that are emotionally destructive and spiritually damaging to the relationship.

Being spoken to in a way that feels disrespectful is never good; it can feel insulting, embarrassing and humiliating. And when you don’t respond in a way that (you perceive)restores your respect or challenges the disrespect, it can make you feel cowardly and ashamed.  But if we are honest, we all can admit that we have had communication lapses. We all, at one time or another, have done some yelling or have been yelled at during our life. And we all have also been the recipient as well as the perpetrator of some offensive and patronizing interactions too.

communicate-better-w-love_detail200So here is the take-away. When your spouse, partner or loved one has a communication lapse, remind yourself that the reaction is not always solely about you. Some of their reactions may be their own internal emotional stuff surfacing.  So don’t always make it about you and don’t always make it your sole responsibility to placate her/him. Remind your partner that you love her, that you are willing to listen, and that you are willing to help as long as it is done with and in love and with and in respect. Trust me, just knowing that you are willing and ready to listen to him is healing and prevents him for feeling that you don’t care. Not being or feeling heard is a something that we all have felt and it does not feel good, right?

Like I said before, infrequent communication lapses are problematic enough and need to be addressed. But consistent, out of control rants should never been tolerated. As long as communication lapses are the exception and not the rule, be encouraged. You can work on yourself to better identify, process and engage your own emotions. And, you can practice communicating with you partner in a direct, yet loving way.

So if you have a communication lapse, quickly admit your mistake, apologize for communicating in a dishonoring way, and commit to do better. Get help, practice new techniques, read some books and go to relationship coaching. Don’t let a temporary lapse cause you to lose a permanent relationship. Get help! You deserve it and your partner does too.  (From the upcoming book ; ” I Have Learned A Few Things About Love”)

Blessings! SharRon20141218-_DSC4819-Editsharronretouched

 

 

We will discuss more tips at the “Are You Ready For Love” Seminar. Have you registered?   Click here! Are You Ready For Love?    Hope to see you there!

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Listen To Your Soul

Happy New Year!

Are you ready to soar in 2016? Are you ready to live your best life? I am and I bet you are too.

I am ready to go to a new level in every aspect of my life; I am ready to be better, greater and bolder. I am ready to be MORE of me! Are you?

So, here is the $10K question:  how do you become MORE of yourself?  I am glad that you asked. You listen to your own soul.

listenListening to your soul is not always easy to do especially because we are bombarded by messages, mandates and mantras of who we should be, what we should be, what we should do and what we should want. We are barraged by so many should messages that sometimes it is difficult to discern and hear our own voices over the noise of the crowd (family, friends, society).

But despite all of the external and internal distractions, listening to your soul is doable. How do you listen? The first step is to find a quiet place and ask yourself this question: who am I?

“Who am I” is a simple question, but it is a question that takes time, meditation and intention. Why? Because to really determine and know who you are, you have to mentally peel away all of the layers of your personas, separate yourself from your accomplishments, quiet your insatiable ego, detach from your possessions, divest of your preconceived ideas, abandon all of the societal labels, identify your hidden agendas and disconnect from your relationships in order to tell yourself the truth.

Yes, you MUST tell yourself the entire, raw naked truth about who you really are without all of your stuff – degrees, education, homes, expectations, money, connections, networks, roles, positions and possessions.  You have to strip away all of your external baggage, your embedded beliefs and your childhood programming so that you can get to the core of who you are – your truth.

falsehood_truthGetting to the truth or the core of who you are may not  be easy; is a process. The unveiling of your core may take time.  It may take tons of questions, and many of your questions may not immediately have answers. But ASK yourself the “who am I” question and then QUESTION your answers.  Critically reflect on your responses, and honestly  examine your heart, mind and soul. Trust me, sometimes the sifting and the pondering of your answers produces the most clarity and the greatest insight into who you really are.

I wish you well as you embark and/or continue on your “I AM” journey to self-discovery. Even if the journey takes longer than expected, don’t give up. Stay focused and stay curious about who you are. Once you know who you really are, you can better design a life that supports, sustains, satisfies and strengthens you. That’s incentive enough right?

I have provided a link from an interview that shares parts of my own self-discovery journey. Like your journey, my journey was a process too. I hope this interview provides food for thought. .Click Here

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I am also publishing an anthology called The Strength of My Soul: Stories of Sisterhood, Triumph and Inspiration. The anthology is a collection of stories that celebrates the strength of 27 women who overcame challenges in their lives.  Their stories changed my life and I can’t wait to share their stories with you so stay tuned. The book will be released later this month.

 

Enjoy the interview and why not pre-order The Strength of My Soul now so that you can get it right off the press? We are offering free shipping until January 17th. You can order here.Order here

Thank you again for your time! I look forwarding to our new year together. 2016 is going to be epic.

Blessings!  SharRon SharRon

 

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Self- Confidence – How do you define?

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I was featured on a radio show about self-confidence. I would love for you to take a listen and I would love to hear from you.

SharRon Jamison is helping women step into their power through her books and coaching but her life was never that way. She lives life by being her authentic self without caring what others think of her.

As a child, she was ridiculed and degraded because of the color of her skin which gave her low self confidence. It went as far as going through depression but she knew she had to make a choice so that she can be the person she is today.

Find out what it takes to be a misfit in the world and why it can be good for your soul.

Click here to listen to the episode ===> http://thetaoofselfconfidence.com/83

 

How do you define self-confidence?

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You Still Have Time!

it is not too lateThis week a few of my clients said that it was too late to start new projects or to set new goals because it was the end of the year. I understand that line of thinking. I like to set new goals at the beginning of the year myself. Something about starting in January makes me feel as if I am creating a new reality, embarking on a new journey and charting a new course.

But over the years I have learned that starting over, making changes or shifting priorities are not activities that should be only limited to January. In fact, growing, assessing and adjusting our plans are activities that we should do regularly to ensure that our heads, hands and hearts are in alignment.  Trust me –  being in alignment and being open to adjustments make us more effective, more focused and more authentic. Because let’s face it – who wants to stay committed to a plan that is not producing, a relationship that is not fulfilling or an idea that is not liberating.  Who wants or needs that? None of us do! So if you are committed to living the life that you desire and deserve, welcome change, embrace new launches and take off.

So even though it is almost December, you still have time to pursue your dreams, make changes in your life and contribute to the world. You still have time to follow your purpose, honor your passion and follow your divine path. You still have time to make different choices, make needed changes and accept new challenges. You still have time!

START-PHOTOSo start moving. Forge ahead! Keep going! Start anew! Go for it! Just do it! You have everything you need to accomplish your goals…..everything. You don’t believe me? Just take a good look.

LOOK around you and see opportunities, options and offers. LOOK inside of you and see vision, victory and vitality. LOOK above you and see potential, possibilities and promise. LOOK beside you and see support, systems and success. Yes, take a good LOOK! LOOK and see your dreams waiting to be pursued, your goals waiting to be accomplished, your destiny waiting to be fulfilled and your significant other waiting to be loved. Take a good LOOK!

I havBook-Bundlee authored 2 books that will help you get started ( I Have Learned A Few Things and I Can Depend On Me).  And, I believe that both will help you finish strong even as 2015 comes to a  close.  Both books are filled with questions, critical questions,  that will help you evaluate and reflect on your own life. I Have Learned A Few Things and I Can Depend On Me are available on the website. You can access the books by clicking on the picture on the left.

In addition, I have 2 more books coming out in mid-January that will be great resources for you as you plan your goals for 2016. One book is called 50 Choices To A More Fulfilling Life and the other book is an anthology written with 27 amazing women called The Strength of My Soul: Stories of Sisterhood, Triumph and Inspiration. Both books are life-changing and life-enriching. They both will help you evaluate if you are living your life to your fullest potential and ability OR if you are settling for mediocrity. Sounds interesting….

It is almost December but 2015 is not over so don’t concede defeat!  You still have 50+ days in 2015 to make a difference. You still have time. .You can win, and in the words of Nike… JUST DO IT! 

I hope this video inspires you to JUST DO IT!


Dare to Soar Higher!

Blessings to you always!

SharRon

SharRon

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You Are ENOUGH!

Do you know that you are ENOUGH? Trust me, it is difficult to remember that we are enough especially when the media, society and sometimes even our family members send messages, even subtle messages, that we don’t measure up. But I want to remind you that you are enough! You are creative enough, smart enough, bold enough, tall enough, young enough, old enough, gifted enough, talented enough and a tons of other “enoughs” to do what you have been created to do. You are enough!

So every day, remind yourself that you are enough! You are enough, and you have the potential to bring value to every person you meet. You are enough, and you have the ability to do significant things in the world. You are enough and you have the capacity to pursue your dreams and follow your destiny. You are enough, and you deserve to be loved deeply and fully. YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

YOU ARE ENOUGH! You always were and you will always be ENOUGH! Remember that. Know that. And, embrace that.

I hope you enjoy this short video and I hope it encourages your soul.

If you are interested in learning how to better honor and celebrate your own greatness, please contact me at SharRon@SharRonJamison.com or complete a contact form at www.SharRonJamison. I would be honored to share more with you.

Blessings to you always!

SharRon

SharRon

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