One of the things that I have learned as a life strategist is that NEW relationship problems are usually the result of deep-rooted, unresolved issues from OLD relationships.
For example, some of the challenges that we experience with our new jobs can be traced back to unresolved problems and unaddressed issues with former employers, previous coworkers or an ex-boss.
Some issues with our the new spouse, new partner or new crush can easily be traced back to the issues that we have not admitted, processed or even discussed with our ex-lovers, ex-partners, ourselves and sometimes, even our parents.
Some of the challenges that we have making new friends can be traced back to our old feelings of not being seen, not feeling heard or not being cared for in a way that made us feel valued, respected, safe and loved.
Some of the difficulties that we have collaborating with people today are because somewhere in our lives we felt invisible, insecure, overpowered and undermined when we tried to contribute and share.
Some of the problems that we have with organized religions are because we sometimes allow ourselves to be spiritually crammed and emotionally incarcerated into rules, rituals, and regulations that we don’t believe or ascribe to yet feel powerless to change.
And since we have never adequately or thoroughly examined the ROOT of our inability or unwillingness to connect with others or ourselves in meaningful and life-giving ways, we are left feeling isolated, alienated and rejected. We become bloated with bitterness, resentment, and anger. We become cynical, defensive and unavailable, and we cut ourselves off from what we want and need the most —- a sense of belonging.
But until our wounds are addressed in ways that bring closure or healing, we deny ourselves of healthy and loving connections that provide the support we need, the acceptance that we crave and the recognition that we desire. And most of all—-we suffer!
We suffer in silence suffocated by our secrets and sidelined by our inability or unwillingness to reach out for support. We retreat into self-made and self-imposed prisons in an attempt to conceal our pain and “armor up” our lives in a futile effort to protect ourselves from anticipated threats.
We wrap our lives in old stories, bury our talents under old narratives, create our perspectives in dirty filters, trap ourselves in societal acceptability, and hold others hostage to expectations and assumptions in our attempts to control and manipulate every engagement, interaction, and every experience we have.
We exhaust ourselves by acting, lying, shapeshifting and people-pleasing until we deplete, dilute or diminish who we are.
We betray ourselves and our needs. We don’t give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, intimate or honest so that we can experience the richness of others, nor experience the richness and depth of our own souls.
In fact, we attack people who even try to befriend, respect and love us. Like wounded animals, we strike out at the first “perceived” attack, offense or insult.
We test people. We try people. We tempt people. We trick people. We secretly put people on “trial” to see how much of our bad behavior they will endure before they leave. And when they leave, we blame them for abandoning us without taking an honest assessment of how we contributed to the demise of the relationship.
But what if we decided to stop blaming others for the death of our relationships and really evaluate ourselves? What if we owned our old stories that contaminated our new connections? What if we dissected our behaviors and beliefs and identified the root of our frustration and irritation with others? What if we admitted that we were emotionally injured and that we are cutting those who are closest to us because we lack the courage to confront those who hurt us the most?
What if we decided to look in the mirror and admit what’s really going on, or what happened, or what we fear will happen?
Our lives would be different. Not perfect, but different. But different… for many of us would be a step in the right direction.
So, what can we do?
We can DARE TO BE DIFFERENT! Click here: http://bit.ly/DareToBeME
(except from soon-to-be-released Deciding To Soar 2)
As you are thinking about what you want most in 2019, make sure you download my free e-book, “Know What’s Best For You”. It has questions to help you think about what is really going on in your life.