How are they?
Our “ships” are our greatest resources. They provide support, love, acceptance, critique, collaboration and all the other things and experiences we need to be our best selves. We can never be our best selves by ourselves; we need people and people need us.
Since we need people and people need us, what can we do to help our “ships” sail more successfully? How can we help our ships sail smoother? What can we do to ensure that our “ships” offer the greatest potential to be helpful, hopeful and healing?
I believe that our best “ships” thrive when we remember 3 important things.
The most important thing to remember is that we MUST express and acknowledge our NEEDS.
Yes, we must acknowledge and express what we need from our “ships”. So often, we don’t share what we need or say what we feel. We expect the other person to know what we need, why we need it, how we need it and when we need it. We act as if people are mind-readers who know and can anticipate our every dream and desire.
But that’s not the case. People are wonderful beings, but they are not mind-readers. And even if people did their best to anticipate your needs, they still may not get everything right.
Let’s face it. People are different. They have different backgrounds, come from direct cultures, have different experiences and have different understandings of what “ships” mean. Heck, we are not even emotionally hard-wired the same so there is NO way that two people feel, think and believe the same even if they are reared in the same house with the same parents.
And, another thing…. people are busy too. Often, they are managing the demands of their own over-stuffed, fast-paced, and complex lives. They may not have the time or the reserves to be as thoughtful as we need them to be. In fact, research shows that the world is changing so rapidly that it is sometimes difficult to effectively process and juggle the demands of our lives. If you add a job, young or elder dependents, spouse, self-care and other life basics to manage, it is understandable that something may be missed if not openly and clearly stated.
So, what do we do?
If we want healthy relationships, we must SAY and SHARE what we need even if it is not comfortable to say or comfortable for someone else to hear.
As a relationship and corporate coach, I see tons of relationships needlessly destroyed because people don’t say what needs to be said. In fact, most relationships crumble not because of arguments, but because expectations and assumptions are never voiced.
At the end of the day, it is your responsibility to get your needs met. It is your responsibility to be courageous enough to say what you feel. It is your responsibility to tell yourself the truth, and then find a way to share your truth. As my grandmother would say, “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed”.
If you want your “ships” to sail smoothly, TALK! Share! Tell your truth.
Be sure that your needs are communicated in a clear, concise and complete way.
Don’t suffer in silence and don’t ruin a great relationship because you withheld needed remarks.
I will repeat it again. You need people and people need you!
Let’s Dare to Soar higher in our “ships” by expressing our needs.
Stay tuned for part 2 as we explore another ingredient to effective ships.
Here are some tips from a FB Live that may be helpful.
I want to see you live. Come meet me in Fort Lauderdale on Aug 12th and in Buffalo on Aug 26th.