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You Have Power: Wear It Well

I have learned that I have power. That was a hard lesson for any girl—especially a black girl—to learn, especially one raised in late 1960s and 1970s. It was extremely difficult to learn because society taught me directly and indirectly that little black girls were powerless.

 

For example, sexism told me that my gender disqualified me from power. Racism told me that my color excluded me from power. My socioeconomic status informed me that my background banned me from power. Misguided religion told me to relinquish all power. And so for years, I learned and accepted that I was barred, really forbidden, to make choices that supported and served me. I was unfortunately conditioned to believe that I was a lower-class black Christian girl who would never have influence, affluence, authority, or the ability to do anything that was not sanctioned by the powerful majority. And the saddest part is that I grew up, and on many levels, I functioned as though those limiting beliefs were true. I thought and behaved as if I were incapable, inadequate, and ill-equipped to make choices that honored me.

 

But thankfully, I learned. I discovered that I had power. I learned through trial and error that I had the ability to say no without providing any additional explanations. I learned that I had the right to discern what sustained me and what weakened me. I learned that I had the right to decide who and what enters my life and also determine who and what exits my life. I learned that I had the power to determine whom, when, and how I love. I had the right to advocate for myself and the right to advocate for others. I had the power to set personal boundaries to ensure that I stayed healthy, wealthy, and wise. I had the power to function and navigate in the world in a way that honored me. It was a hard lesson, but I learned that I have power. And you have power. We all do—if we embrace it and use it well.

 

I have also learned we can only effectively use our power when we are courageous enough to claim it, have integrity enough to use it, grateful enough to appreciate it, and humble enough to share it. I have learned that power is most authentic when you can “wear” it without a title, wear it without money, wear it without perks, and wear it without arrogance. It is most admired when you can equally wear it well in your house, the outhouse, the penthouse, or the White House. Power is most trusted when you can wear it well in times of concord and also wear it well in times of conflict. Power is also most respected when you can wear it well when you have authority over others and wear it well when you are only directing yourself. Power is most appreciated when you can wear it well in times of great delight and wear it well in times of great despair. Power is most transformative when you can wear it well in the service of others and not only wear it well in the service of self. Power, real power, must be worn well; it must be harnessed, controlled, and used for good—and not just the good of you.

 

We have power, and we have more power than we realize. So accept it, embrace it, honor it, and wear it well. Wear it with courage. Wear it with strength! Wear it with compassion! Wear it with humility. Wear it with gratitude. Wear it with understanding. Wear your power, and wear it well.

 

How are you wearing your power? Only you can decide.

 

Blessings!

(excerpt from ” I Have Learned A Few Things”. You can order today.

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It’s time to DE-BOX!

Do you live in a box?

 

Do you follow outdated rules that don’t align with your heart? Do you participate in activities that you don’t enjoy just to make other people happy? Do you stay in energy-sucking careers because you were taught that certain careers give you status? Do you participate in religions that villainize you and make you feel unworthy and unlovable?

 

Are you living in a box?

 

I thought I didn’t live in a box or follow outdated rules until I started listing all of the reasons why I was not following my heart.  Over the years I practically talked myself out of most of my goals. 

 

For example:

 

When  I was younger, I told myself that I could not start a business because I was a single mother. 

 

In my twenties, I told myself that I could not be a lose weight because I had been overweight for years.

 

When I was new to the corporate setting, I told myself that I could not get promoted in corporate America because I didn’t have the right mentor.

 

When I turned 50 a few years ago, I told myself that I could not feel sexy because 50 meant that I was over-the-hill.

 

10 years ago, I told myself that I could not write a book because nobody knew me.

 

I had tons of reasons for not pursuing my dreams, and my reasons were logical, at least I thought they were.

 

But what I realized was that I was basing my life on lessons that I had learned in childhood.  The lessons about what it meant to be a woman, a mother, middle-age, and successful were based on the stereotypes, programming, and conditioning that I learned as a child.

 

I didn’t know it then but I was using my past to determine how far I could reach in the future.  And, I was acting as if those old ways of thinking were true.

 

Here’s the truth: we all have beliefs that are keeping us in places that don’t serve us and with people who don’t support us. We all are making or have made decisions based on lessons and beliefs that were passed down from our parents and society. Unfortunately, some of those lessons are keeping us trapped in mediocrity and misery. Some of the lessons are out of sync with who we really are. And, some of the lessons could be even filling us with doubt, fear and low expectations.

 

It’s time to tell the truth: It’s time to DE-BOX yourself!

 

Just think about it……

 

How would YOUR life change if you were able to identify old messages and stories that are keeping you in ruts? What would you do if you were able to break through your internal glass ceilings and go after what you want? What would happen if you felt empowered to do what you were born to do, and not settle for what you feel trained or tricked to do?

 

 My friend, you don’t have to live in a box! There is a big, limitless world waiting to be explored and experienced BY YOU!

 

You don’t have to be confined to what’s acceptable, practical, or familiar.  And, you don’t have to conform to what society tells you either.

 

YOU can do what makes you happy!

 

Over the new few weeks, take inventory. Determine if you are living in a box of expectations, societal norms and outdated rules that are stripping you of your joy.

 

You deserve to live outside of a BOX so you can SOAR HIGHER!

 

If you missed the free “Dare To Be Me” Masterclass, don’t worry. Click here and I will be sure to notify when we offer it again in November.

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Please Don’t Judge Me. I Need You To Listen!

I hate being judged!

 

I also hate when I  judge others. Every time I judge somebody it lets me know that I have my own internal work to do because it reminds me that I am being myopic, narrow and selfish.

 

To SOAR higher, we need to be open, expansive and willing to hear from others.

 

Today I am sharing the 5th Principle: Non-Judgement

 

Do you really know how to give people your E.A.R.? I tackle this issue in today’s lesson.

 

Click here to listen.

 

Then, share your thoughts in the Dare To Soar Facebook group. Every question gets you entered into a raffle to win a free book.

 

If you missed the preceding principles, don’t worry, the links are below.

 

I will be answering questions in the Dare To Soar Higher Facebook. If you have not joined, click here.

 

Also, if you know anybody who can benefit from the FRIENDS series, please share the email with them or click here.

 

Let’s Soar Higher together!

 

 

 

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How to be a Friend Maker

**I was so honored to be interviewed by Cathy Krafve.

Business woman, author, speaker, blogger, minister, and a Friend Maker. Of course, that last one reveals my personal title for SharRon Jamison, not hers! Today, based near Atlanta, SharRon shares wisdom vulnerably as she travels the world spreading great ideas about how to create loving relationships.

Every day, women tackle lots of gut-wrenching responsibilities; we need to support each other. Clearly, even the most successful women commonly feel isolated, insecure, and anxious. Frequently, we hear these refrains as women share their stories with us at Camp Krafve. Fortunately, healthy friendships provide the security and encouragement we all need as we courageously take risks, seeking to reach our God-given potential.

Friend Maker Extraordinaire

Because SharRon epitomizes what it means to be a Friend Maker,  a perfect antidote to the Mean Girl Syndrome, I asked her to expound on some of the great teaching I get via her blog.

“Relationships are so important to me. It took years for me to learn how to be a friend,” she says tenderly. Along the way, she noticed other women struggled, too.

“In fact, some women even shared they felt lonely and felt starved for companionship. They wanted and yearned for confidants; they missed connecting on a deep level. But, they also shared that they feel scared, overwhelmed and isolated because building friendships was so draining or filled with drama,” she shares on her website.

The Secret to Disagreeing Without Disconnecting

Naturally, true friendships require authenticity and honesty, right? But how? Surprisingly, one secret to true friendship includes learning to disagree without disconnecting.

All people hold a God-given purpose, according to SharRon. Contrary to our natural reactions, even the most seemingly disagreeable person may simply be extra-focused on their purpose. Therefore, keeping their purpose in mind can help us extend compassion and patience to all. Okay, to me patience seems like a big chore, especially when I’m having trouble imagining the other person’s purpose!

However, she reveals a powerful secret to becoming a Friend Maker: extending compassion and patience to ourselves, too. Especially when the world tells us to reject ourselves, we should embrace our own unique design, according to SharRon. Why? Because we’re one of a kind! I love what else she says about being unique!

Why Don’t We Trust Our Awesome Uniqueness?

“My father used to highlight the way that people are different. He always used to say you come into the world fully loaded with goodness, grace, and genius,” she remembers tenderly, adding specific details. Her dad believed God designed all people “with ideas to generate income and to have influence. You’re fully loaded with creativity that makes cash. He used to tell us we were a treasure chest of riches.” How encouraging!

In spite of her encouraging, wonderful parents, SharRon knows exactly what she’s talking about when it comes to underestimating her own worth. The child of a Methodist minister, her father cut a wide swath when it came to pushing against injustice. (For how you can make a difference for social justice in your community, click on our articles about Trauma Informed Care.) Yet, even he could not protect her from the racial prejudices she experienced in a newly desegregated school.

Bullying in School

“I started school when integration was still new in Missouri. Even though integration may have been the law of the land it was not necessarily the love of the people,” she says now with gentle integrity.

As early as kindergarten, she suffered bullying, unintentionally from uninformed teachers and intentionally from kids. For instance, one teacher assumed SharRon was about to attack her, claiming SharRon moved too fast and scared her. In kindergarten! In another example, fellow students jumped her on the playground in second grade and gave her a concussion. (If your child is experiencing bullying, please listen toour podcasts with Tina Meier for great ideas.) Unfortunately, the threat of constant rejection at school, instilled in SharRon a deep need for companionship, even at a high cost.

“It (moving around a lot) made me yearn for being included,” she shares. “I started making friends the wrong way.” She describes her neediness and the pain of self-betrayal. “I started giving parts of my soul away to anyone who gave affirmation and attention.” (Find our entire conversation here.)    

“It took awhile to get over bullying as a child because I started to bully myself as an adult,” she adds. Eventually, the solution was to embrace the truth of her father’s good wisdom; “to understand I was worthy.”

Freedom From the Inner Bully

Now she offers amazing training in easy to remember acronyms, like Relationship GPS (for training on how to build lasting relationships) and CIA (how to create healthy connections). Just to give you a taste for the kind of transferable, excellent material SharRon is creating, GPS stands for Goals, Passion, Struggles and CIA stands for Consistency, Intimacy, and Awareness. (May I encourage you to click here for more from this deep-thinking friend?)

**Please click here to read the rest of the article.

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Listen With Your Heart

When I was a young girl, my mother would say, “look at me when I am talking to you.”

On some level, she knew that grabbing my attention was difficult. If she wanted to be heard, she had to capture my attention quickly. Sometimes she even had to threaten me so I would focus. Does that sound familiar?

Once I became a leader I realized how vital listening was. I realized that if people did not feel heard, they would not share, be vulnerable or extend themselves professionally.

So, how do we get people to talk to us, and how do we keep them talking? We listen to them with our ears and with our hearts. We listen to what is being said, and what is NOT being said. Words and silence are BOTH powerful communicators. And our ability to “hear” both is what engenders trust, cultivates empathy and builds connections.

Let me know your thoughts. Are you a good listener?

Make sure you get my new opt-in – “It’s Time To Climb”. Click here http://bit.ly/Cantheyclimbwithyou

Did you see the last article about friendships? https://sharronjamison.com/are-you-sitting-with-an-enemy/

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Healing YOUR “Momma Stories” So You Can Lead, Live and LOVE!

https://youtu.be/kEv1SsuLFjY

Our relationships with our mothers affect how we lead, love and live. They also affect how we engage and embrace other women.

When you are able to see your mother in 3 different ways, you can begin to heal those wounds that negatively impact your life. But most of all, you can grow to appreciate the amazing woman that she is and was. And, you can grow to more fully celebrate who you are.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I would love to share more with you. Please sign up for my newsletter by clicking here. http://bit.ly/DareToSoar.

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Are You Sitting With An Enemy?

The other day one of my friends mentioned that one of her mentors plagiarized her work. She stole her ideas and changed a few variables and presented the entire project as her own. My friend was crushed, angry, and inconsolable.

 

But after deeper reflection, we identified signs that her mentor was intimidated by her. People who are intimidated by you, your gift, and your “perceived” favor are dangerous. And unfortunately, the most dangerous saboteurs are the ones who are the closest to us. Remember….our betrayers know where were are vulnerable and they know where to hit us, when to hit us and how much force to hit us with to take us down AND out!

 

13 Signs that a person can NOT be trusted:

 

1) A person who is always scrutinizing your work but never offers insight to improve your work. It’s a sign that they are watching but not interested in you winning!

 

2) A person who is always asking questions and acts overly interested in your work but never shares information about them or their activities. They are getting information to steal NOT support.

 

3) A person who constantly compares herself/himself or progress with others. They are usually insecure and feel unworthy, inadequate, or incompetent. They are prone to “hating” not helping.

 

4) A person who been in the same place and position for years and has no evidence of internal growth or self-development. They are stuck and stuck people stink (their behaviors).

 

5) A person who is cynical or sarcastic which demonstrates that their energy is laced with bitterness, resentment, and regret. They are vibrating with vitriol, not vibrancy, virtue or vitality.

 

6) A person who is only interested in looking good vs doing good. That’s an indication that they may be shallow and shallow people lack substance. It is also an indication that there is a conflict in values.

 

7) A person who never speaks their mind. They are dangerous because people who won’t talk are toxic. They are full of emotions that have never been sorted out and so they explode or implode and cause destruction, mayhem, and misery.

 

8)  A person who feels overlooked, undervalued or invisible. They are so hungry for exposure and applause that they will reveal your secrets, step on your neck and undermine your career for 10 seconds of fame. They are hungry for attention and they won’t care if their attention comes as a result of your aggravation, humiliation or extermination.

 

9) A person who thinks that they are better than others. They feel overly entitled and feel totally justified in destroying people for their benefit. They are easy to identify. They have big egos! They have big titles but little talent. They have big positions but little production and proficiency.

 

10) A person who agrees with everybody. Be careful! A person who agrees with everybody really agrees with nobody. They are chameleons and use people as pawns for their own progress, profit, and promotion.

 

11) A person who is always violating trust. If they are telling you somebody else’s secrets they are sharing your secrets too. You will not be an exception.

 

12) A person who constantly asks you for advice but never has any wisdom for you. That’s not a companion or comrade; that’s a client.

 

13) A person who can’t control you or get what they want from you. They will punish you for NOT meeting their needs. They will lie, gossip, undermine you or do anything they can to kill you (literally or opportunity-wise) if you refuse to be their partner, pet, pawn or punk.

 

Pay attention and pray. People give clues all of the time. People are constantly showing you who they are.

 

Don’t get so enamored by their popularity that you don’t pay close attention to how they “live” spiritual principles.

 

Use Discernment! You can’t enlarge your territory in the midst of toxicity. Pay attention. Ask questions. Listen to what’s being said and what’s not being said. Watch what’s being done and not being done. Confront issues immediately and be decisive.

 

OWN YOU!

 

Hope this helps!

 

**I will deal with these issues in greater detail in the “Dare To BE ME” masterclass that starts in late May. http://bit.ly/DareToBeMeInfo

 

Newsletter: http://bit.ly/DareToSoar

 

Soar Higher! 

SharRon

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Is The Truth In Trouble?

Do you tell the truth?

 

You don’t have to answer that question right now. However, the question is one that we must ask ourselves, especially since lying is starting to be expected and accepted from people in high positions.

 

But just for the record. I  have not always told the truth. I have lied to myself. I have lied to others. I have let people lie to me. I have also let people lie on me. And, I have failed to establish healthy boundaries when people showed me that they were liars, betrayers, and manipulators.

 

But when I think about why I have lied and why I have allowed people to lie to me, I realized that I was just afraid.  I was scared of failing, I was scared of not measuring up, I was scared of being devalued, and I was scared of the truth. I was scared of being invisible. I was scared of being ignored. I was scared of being overlooked. I was scared of being overwhelmed! I was afraid with a capital “A”. Fear gripped, grabbed and governed me! I am not proud of admitting that I was afraid, but of course, I am not going to lie.

 

When I work with leaders – in corporate America and in ministry – most admit that they lie too. Some of the strongest, most devout people I know admit to skirting the truth to dodge rebuke,  keep a job or to keep their marriage. They have admitted to lying by omission too, and we all know that not speaking up is equally as damaging to relationships.

 

I am not here to judge because I realize that the truth can be a scary thing. Truth has a way of exposing our flaws, failures, and frailties.  Truth has a way of undressing us, unmasking us and unraveling our perfectly constructed public personas. And let’s face it — being publicly vulnerable can be terrifying.

 

Of course, being scared does not justify lying but it does alert you that you have some internal work to do.

 

Lying signals that there is trouble brewing in your spirit and that anxiety is overwhelming your mind. Lying is an indication that you are hiding, hurting and huddling with the wrong people and in the world places. Lying suggests that you are not aware, not awake and not attuned to what’s happening or what’s not happening in your life and in the world. Lying means that you are only concerned about you and people connected to you.

 

Lying never makes us feel good for long; it’s a temporary band-aid at best. But if you are a person of integrity, just know that lying slowly erodes your self-respect, self-confidence, and self-trust. It makes you feel insecure, defensive and a bit paranoid.

 

If you know that you are not telling yourself the truth, today consider why you are lying. Ask yourself why you are lying to others. Identify why you are lying to yourself about yourself. Think about why you are lying to yourself about your circumstances, habits, and situations. Think about why you are lying about your progress, your actions or your liabilities.  Also, consider why you allow others to consistently lie to you and about you.

 

Refusing to tell the truth diminishes your character.  It robs your relationships of the trust it needs to thrive. And most of all, lying affects how you feel about YOU and what you think about YOU!

 

My pastor warned us on Sunday that the truth is in trouble. I agree. But we can change that by getting in touch with our fears and challenging our fears, which are lies, with the power of truth.  We can decide today to act with integrity even when it’s hard, inconvenient and unpopular. Don’t you agree?

 

Let’s dare to soar higher as truth-tellers because ONLY the truth will set us free.

 

*P.S. I would love to share a free chapter from my bestselling book, “I Have Learned A Few Things”, with you.  Please click here.

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YOU Are Wired To Win!

Rejection has a way of making you feel as if you will NEVER be successful.

 

But just for the record…. You were born ready!!! You came to the world FULLY LOADED!!! Everything you needed to contribute to the world was encoded in your DNA!


But when you start begging for love, hustling for business, stepping on necks for promotion and sabotaging others to be successful, you diminish, downgrade and dilute who you are! You divorce yourself from your destiny and you divorce ”self” from the divine mandates of self-love, self-acceptance, self-care, and self-confidence!

 

 

When you realize that you have and hold the power, wisdom, talent and the ingenuity you need to BUILD the life you desire, you will NOT beg others for the very things you can build for yourself!!! You will seek opportunities but you won’t compromise your integrity.

 


Yes, you need others to build. But never let the need for folks make you act like a fool. You are a builder!! God gave you tools. Use them and start building what you want and need! ( excerpt from Deciding To Soar 3)

 

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To get a free chapter of my bestselling book, ” I Can Depend On Me”, click the button below.

 

Let’s Dare to Soar Higher!

 

SharRon

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