We rarely talk about softness when we talk about Black women.

We talk about her strength.

We talk about her leadership.

We talk about her resilience.

Yet softness may be one of the most sacred parts of her humanity. ( I explore this topic more in the Deciding To Soar podcast. You can listen on YouTube. It’s also available on Apple and other platforms.)

Let’s be clear….

Softness is not fragility. It is not weakness. It is not a lack of resolve.

Softness is a Black woman’s capacity for tenderness, empathy, levity, and joy without the burden of wearing armor.

And softness matters because no one is meant to survive on strength alone.

Yet culturally, there is an unspoken expectation that Black women should do exactly that — survive alone.

That is why Black women are praised for their strength, resilience, and unshakability.

But over time, those adjectives become a prison.

Inside that prison, her softness is overlooked because the world grows accustomed to her endurance.

Her tenderness is ignored because her competence is mistaken for invulnerability.

Her need for care is dismissed because she handles things “so well.”

And sometimes she is stretched, tested, and even attacked because her ability to withstand pressure is misinterpreted as invincibility.

But when her softness goes unwitnessed, there is a cost.

Exhaustion becomes normalized.

Boundaries are crossed.

Rest is reframed as indulgent.

Vulnerability is misread as deficiency.

Over time, she armors herself — not because she lacks softness, but because the environment does not feel safe enough to hold it.

Even though the world may call her protective response resilience, it isn’t.

It is survival, and survival is not the same as thriving.

Softness!

It is NOT a reward for endurance.

It is not care extended only after “performing” excellence.

It is not gentleness extended only after enduring hardship.

Softness is a right, a birthright.

It is where her nervous system settles. Where healing begins. Where wholeness is restored.

And softness is where growth happens because REAL growth can’t happen under constant pressure.

It happens in environments of safety, respect, & care.

My friend, softness is fertile ground.

It is where creativity returns.

Where imagination expands.

Where new versions of herself are allowed to emerge and bloom.

The blessing is, when Black women are allowed to be soft, they do not shrink; they expand.

And their expansion strengthens families. Stabilizes communities. Elevates organizations. Contributes to the world.

That’s why witnessing her softness is not sentimental.

It’s strategic.

It’s healing.

It’s liberating.

It’s an act of respect.

An act of honor.

A sign of leadership.

Strength may be what the world demands of her, but softness is what sustains her.

This Black History Month, may we “witness” Black women not only for what they produce or survive, but also for what they feel, hope for, and need.

And may we build workplaces where their strength is appreciated, and softness is protected.

Blessings!

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