Bad Breakups…. Yuck!!
If you have ever experienced a bad personal, professional or a career break-up, you know that bad breakups are not easy. Feelings fly, accusations assault, lies label, connections collapse, and remarks ruin reputations. Severing relationships can be dicey, destructive and detrimental.
If the parties are not emotionally mature and spiritually-grounded, they expose themselves and others to undue scrutiny. They share intimate details of the break-up to make themselves right and to show the entire world that the other person is wrong. Trust is violated, secrets are disclosed, businesses are lost and what was shared in confidence gets plastered on social media. Making personal, business and intimate disclosures, of course, is not high-level emotional functioning, but we all have done it.
Let’s face it…. when people are hurting, they lash out and some people play dirty. They tell half-truths, concoct outright lies, or share sensitive information that compromises not only their lives but also the lives of others. The full truth is rarely shared, and, when we are blinded by our pain, nobody really remembers the full truth anyway. After coaching people for over 20 years there are a few things I know for sure: pain has a way of making people pretty, pain causes amnesia and pain degrades others.
What I also know for sure is that pain or scandal is a magnet for messy people. Messy people run to scandal faster than pigs flock to slop. Messy people are like vultures who circle around wounded people waiting to stir the pot of pain so that they can to add their own special brand of venom to an already volatile situation. Of course, that makes the pain worse.
But breakups, though painful, are not the times to numb your feelings by finding another date or another bestie to fill the void. Yes, you need friends; we all need support. But we also need to feel our feelings too because breaks-up are the times for deep reflection and honest introspection.
What I know for sure is that breakups are great times for emotional check-ups and spiritual wake-ups. Post break-ups are times to get quiet and journal. It’s a great time to ask yourself some key questions to understand why the relationship started, why the relationship failed, what parts of you need healing or development and what you really desire in your “ships”.
The more you learn about you, the more information you have to support your new relationship with yourself AND to support a connection with a prospective partner. Knowledge is power and self-awareness are key to growth, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
But above all, remember that any information you gained from relationships, should stay between the parties involved. The relationship was not a community event; it was once a special bond or agreement between the two of you.
If you are going through a break-up or if you want to learn more skills to prevent another break-up, register for the You Can Depend on You Coaching Program starting on September 21. This is the last time in 2017 that this program will be offered as a live on-line program.
If you have questions and if you are tired of choosing people who don’t align with your values, register today. https://tinyurl.com/YouCanDependonYou
Let’s dare to soar higher as we honor the sanctity of connections even after the connection is over.
***If you need some communication advice to prevent future break-ups, be sure to get my free gift here. http://daretosoarhigher.sharronjamison.com/