Tag: success

Reclaim Your True Identity

I love meeting people who grew up with lots of love, affirmation, and unconditional acceptance. I love to meet them because, unfortunately, people who received unconditional love and endless support as children are rare. Yes, rare.

Unfortunately, most of us grew up feeling that we were wrong, extremely weird, or felt as if we did not belong in our families, communities, and schools. And because we believed we were too different or not enough of whatever was needed to belong, we were denied the very support we craved and the affirmation we needed to trust ourselves and deeply cherish our uniqueness.

As we grew older, if we didn’t find a community that nurtured our individuality and neutralized the harmful narratives we learned, we made ourselves small to fit into norms that felt safe. Or, we hid parts of ourselves that were unwelcomed or vilified. Or, sometimes, we clung to outgrown identities, belittling labels, and toxic myths that left us emotionally distressed, defeated, or devalued.

Does any of this sound familiar?

If that sounds like your story or experience, you are not alone. Many people have experienced self-erosion and self-erasure. Many people have been marginalized or excluded because their needs, feelings, and perspectives existed outside of a narrowly-defined “norm.” Many people have abandoned their dreams, betrayed their souls, and concealed their true natures just to exist and survive in a judgmental, myopic world.

I hate to admit it, but I am extremely familiar with self-erosion because my true self started to wither away when I was five or six years old. My true self tried to fight for survival, but the peer pressure to conform was too strong; it crushed my will and strength to fight for my individuality. And because I was so young, I hadn’t developed the skills to speak up or stand up for myself. So slowly, the oppressive messages, constant exclusion, and inherited beliefs took residence in my mind and spirit, and I relented. I became what culture wanted me to be — an obedient, predictable, accommodating person with little confidence and anemic self-love. I sadly became a spoke in a societal wheel mired in self-sabotage, self-hatred, and self-suppression.

However, after college, I embarked on a full reclamation and self-liberation journey to find my TRUE identity because I knew I wasn’t whole. I knew I was compromising my soul because I felt miserable and lost. I didn’t have the vocabulary or emotional awareness to explain my feelings, but I knew I did not fit into the suffocating status quo. Heck, sometimes I felt as if I didn’t even belong in my own family. I was different, and my difference was obvious; it couldn’t be ignored. But slowly and thankfully, my true self spoke to me, compelled, comforted, and urged me to keep searching for the real me. My true self begged me to take the proverbial wheel of my life and drive home to my truth and home to myself.

Now, I look at my life, and I am grateful. My life is not perfect, easy, or problem-free. But I am at peace because I have reclaimed most of ME. I have released the need to struggle for success, hustle for acceptance, and abide by the status quo. I no longer choose this or that; I live in a world of “and”  because I don’t believe in binaries, bullies, or limiting beliefs. I also no longer ascribe to society’s definition of success because striving for society’s success always makes me feel unsuccessful. What a paradox, right?

I now courageously disobey rules, disconnect from toxicity, and detach from historical lies that do not sustain me or honor the dignity of all God’s people. I fearlessly experiment with new opportunities, explore new dimensions of my personality, and accept unique invitations to remind myself that I am free, expansive, and worthy of joy. I am no longer pander to the crowd or try to appease people, especially those who try to manipulate me with their meanness or oppress me with their opinions. I boldly dance to my own music and sing my own songs. And most of all, I keep my head, heart, and hands open, knowing that God will pour out blessings, bestowing me with goodness, grace, and soul-nourishing gifts.

As I continue my reclamation journey, I invite others to join me. I invite others to taste the sweet nectar of their wholeness and revel in their holiness. I encourage people to expand, express, and experience the totality of their being with curiosity, delight, and love. And oh, it feels so good to be doing the work I was created to do. I feel so anchored, rooted, and aligned in ways that are hard to define but heavenly to feel. I know I am profoundly blessed and guided, and I sense a higher dimension of destiny calling my name.

So, join me if you are interested in reclaiming your entire self and reveling in your full identity. Let’s learn how to restore what we lost so we can dance with power, live in truth, and leap with joy. Let’s remember our dreams, rediscover our needs, restore our true personalities, and reimagine our futures. Let’s set new standards, defy the isms, and establish harmony within ourselves and our communities.

My friend, a new day is coming, and you have the power to shape it. Every courageous choice you make will help you live boldly, love intensely, liberate yourself constantly, and dream endlessly. You, the full you, will create this new season of your life full of the variety, joy, and fulfillment you deeply crave.

And the best news is … after you deeply love and affirm who you are, you will never have to deal with self-erosion and self-erasure again. You will never have to assimilate or divest of your humanity and truth. You will boldly give yourself permission to rest, reimagine, restore, recreate, and SOAR, even if nobody else likes you or agrees with your decisions. You will radically trust your spirit to guide you so you can live fully  – undiluted, unfazed, and unencumbered – and enjoy a soul-enriching life.

Blessings as you bloom,

SharRon

Are You A Discount Diva? Are You Undervaluing Yourself?

Have you ever played yourself cheap or betrayed yourself to fit into a specific group?

I have.

In fact, 25 years ago, one of my dearest friends told me I devalued myself so much that I navigated in the world like a “discount diva.”

What? A discount diva?

Boy, I was crushed! I was not only offended by how casually she called me out, but I was also saddened because her words felt true. And because her words felt true to my soul, I felt embarrassed, stupid, and exposed.

At first, I rejected her perspective, and I was defensive. I tried to convince her that I was NOT that chick; I was not a discount diva. I did my best to persuade her that I was accomplished, educated, and polished because my fragile ego could not take such painful, though honest, comments.

It was an emotionally excruciating day, but I listened to my friend. While she shared her revelations, I cried, really sobbed, as she lovingly explained how she “experienced” me. She provided details, examples, and names. Her comments were thoughtful, candid, and courageous.

My conversation with my friend was life-changing, and I go into greater detail about that experience in Deciding To Soar 2. If you haven’t bought the book, please do. If you have purchased my newest book, please turn to Chapter 50. You will find the entire story there. Order here or via Amazon.

How did I process my friend’s candid feedback?

By using a method called the TRUTH Method.

The TRUTH Method is a process I created to ensure that I don’t immediately reject helpful feedback, and it is the same process that I use with powerful people today.

The TRUTH Method helps people objectively review and dissect the past WITHOUT shaming themselves because shame never changes behavior. And most of all, the TRUTH Method leads to value-based action and deep emotional healing.

TRUTH Method

  • T = Even though feedback is tough to hear, take it in. Listen with fresh ears.
  • R = Don’t immediately resist and reject feedback, reflect on it. Assess your behavior and beliefs. Identify what’s feels true.
  • U = Don’t shun feedback, “UN” it. (Un is a prefix that means to do the opposite.) You may need to unpack, unlearn, or untether yourself from old conditioning to heal.
  •  Trust yourself to make new decisions and to tackle the naysayers and your internal critics. Lovingly challenge and confront anything that prevents your growth.
  • H = Don’t hide from your mistakes or your beliefsGet help, huddle, and heal. 

Bottom-line is this: Acknowledging the truth is the basis of transformation. And to make dynamic, life-changing shifts in your life, you must identify and reckon with your past, your habits, your hobbies, your relationships, and your beliefs that strip you of power.

You MUST tell yourself the truth!

You can listen to more insights on our community private podcast feed by joining my newsletter. Click here to join.

You can also listen via YouTube by clicking here. And while you are there, please subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Moral of the story: Honor yourself and seek feedback. Learn how people “experience” you. Never forget that you are a divine design and not a discount diva. You have much to offer the world.

P.S. Make sure you purchase Deciding To Soar 2: Unwrapping Your Purpose and the Deciding To Soar Reflection Guide by clicking here.

Blessings!

SharRon

What’s Blocking You? – Part 2

actionHave you ever felt as if you were stuck in a rut? I have. There have been times in my life when I have felt stuck, cemented and confined by people, policies, places and positions.  A few times I felt so emotionally trapped by routines, responsibilities and relationships that I stopped growing, learning, loving and living.  I was emotionally, intellectually, socially and spiritually sinking, and I was sinking fast.

Thankfully some wonderful coaches and counselors helped me change the trajectory of my life and now almost 25 years later, I have learned a few things.   I have learned that self-reflection is the first step to personal transformation. Yes, I learned that I had to learn more about me. I learned that I had to learn who I was devoid of expectations, fears, traditions, norms and facades. I had to discover who I was outside of what everybody else wanted me to be.   Trust me, that was difficult; it required peeling back layers of my personality that I never knew existed.

For me, self-reflection was a painstaking process because I had to take off the masks and remove my disguises; I could no longer hide. I also had to stop acting, and the funny thing was —  I didn’t know that I was even acting. I thought my beliefs and behavior were self-directed; I soon realized that they were not. I realized that my beliefs and behavior were influenced by whole lot of people who didn’t know me, care about, support me or even like me. Yikes! What a wake-up call!

During my self-discovery journey, I was forced to analyze my history to identify patterns, themes and the orgins of my bad behavior. I had to understand why I  sabotaged my success, happiness, relationships and health. I was forced to evaluate my perspectives and define my truth, and honestly 25 years ago, I didn’t know I even had a truth. Imagine that.

I am not alone; many people are and have been in the same boat. Many people today are struggling or have struggled to understand themselves. Some, like I did, have and continue to struggle to find their purpose, accept their calling or even understand the need for transformation. Most successful people I know have been to THE place, the place of truth that helped them jump-start their journeys of personal transformation.  I call THAT place “Blessings at the Bottom” (Chapter 39 in I Have Learned A Few Things)

Yes, most of us have been to that the scary, unfamiliar and agonizing place that demanded that we become more self-aware.  I am sure that we all can agree that THE place is a challenging place but it is also an exciting place. It is a place of great promise, great purpose, great clarity and of great relief. During THAT place, we were forced to look closer, deeper and broader at the choices that we made or honestly consider the choices that we were failing to make. We removed our defenses and we became emotionally transparent to ourselves; we didn’t hide from our histories, failures, mistakes and secrets.  We became self-aware and as result, we were ready to embark on our new journeys, our journeys of personal transformation.

As we learned in the previous post, self-AWARENESS is the first step toward personal transformation. After you conduct a full life inventory and commit to continuous self-discovery, the second step on the road to personal transformation is ACTION. Yes, ACTION! If you want a different life, you must make changes; you must do something and many times, do a lot of “somethings” differently. As we say in the South, “you just can’t talk about it, you got to be about it”.

But even though we know we must do something, it is the “doing” that scares us the most. It is the “doing” that keeps up stuck, stagnant and stale in our lives. It is the “doing” that seems insurmountable, unfathomable and just down right undoable.  It is the “doing” that reveals our fears, unravels our resolve and makes us abandon our dreams. It is the “doing” that frequently stops us or makes us settle for relationships that are unfulfilling, jobs that are underpaying and lives that are unsatisfying. The “doing”, the failure to take action, is what limits our successes and negates our future.

actionchangesthings

So how do we address the “doing” so that it feels doable? I don’t know all of the answers but I have a few thoughts.

  • Get clear about what you want and who you want to be; determine your compelling WHY. Your WHY will create your vision, and your vision will guide and direct you. For example, when I started my healing journey, my WHY was that I no longer wanted to feel yucky inside. I was tired of feeling small, silent, suffocated and sidetracked. My WHY was not elaborate or deep; it was just honest.  More importantly, at the time that was all I could articulate but it was a great start. What’s your WHY?
  • Identify the resources that you already have and identify what you are already know. When I started my personal transformation, I knew that I had some money and I knew that I needed therapy. I knew that my prolonged feelings of malaise and sadness were not normal. I didn’t know too much more than that but knowing those few things was critical to me moving forward in my life.  So what do you already have and what do you already know?
  • Take a step, make a call, start a class, join a group or find support. I would say read a book but I have learned that reading books in isolation is never enough for sustained growth. Books provide concepts but an activity, practice or coaching provides the application. And to make the changes that you want in your life, you need both concepts and application. Just think about. You can read a book about swimming all day long but until you jump in the pool do you know if you can really swim? The same principle applies when learning new life skills. So, what are you doing to use, practice, apply or implement the knowledge that you are learning?
  • Don’t worry about understanding all the details. You may never know all of the details before you start a business, pursue your dreams or embark on a healing journey. Learn as much as you can and get started. No, don’t be reckless or careless; be calculating, prudent and analytical. But after you obtain as much information as you can, MOVE, DO, GO, BE, and TRY! Take action…..bold action. As you take a few steps toward your goals, more information, resources and support will show up. Trust me…I have been there.
  • Only focus on 3 – 5, preferably only 3, things that you want to improve or change at one time. Some coaches may disagree with me on this. However, from working with all types of clients, I have learned that personal transformation is challenging, and trying to do too much at once often becomes overwhelming. And what do overwhelmed people routinely do? They procrastinate or they QUIT! So, honor yourself. Organize your life and focus on a few things so you don’t fall out, fall down and fall asleep. Trust me, it happens.
  • Remember that success is a process, and sometimes a messy process. This weekend one of my mentors said something that resonated in my spirit. He said that “sloppy success is better than perfect mediocrity”. Wow…as we say in the Christian faith –  that was an on-time word. That phrase freed me! I now feel more creative, more committed and more courageous to pursue my own dreams. That little phrase empowered and embolden me to Soar Higher!

I encourage you to take Action! Never forget that motion motivates, activates and elevates. So get started because today is the first day of the rest of your life. And, don’t forget to get some support on your journey. If you need coaching or assistance, please feel free to call the Jamison Group.  We would love to provide you with support and guidance as you embark on your new life.

Always remember to DARE to SOAR HIGHER because You are ALWAYS worth your best!

(Reprinted from my upcoming book, I Have Learned A Few Things About Success)

Blessings,

SharRon