Therapist: Why do you keep betting on the system more than you bet on yourself?
Me: What systems? How am I betting on them?
Tears still come to my eyes when I think of this painful conversation. I still feel sad when I remember struggling to prove myself in an unsupportive corporate environment.
For years, I did everything to demonstrate my competency, creativity, and proficiency. And I knew people saw my value because they consistently stole my work, ideas, and strategies. But despite being trusted to train and unofficially lead others, I was repeatedly told I wasn’t “ready” for leadership roles. In other words, I was good enough to “labor” but not lead.
After being overlooked for yet another leadership position, I emotionally crashed. And during one of my therapy sessions, my therapist — a powerful Black woman – asked me a critical question that changed my life: Why do you keep betting on the system more than you bet on yourself?
For years, I had been in therapy with white counselors (they accepted my health insurance) but had never been asked about the impact of systems on my well-being. Never! There were no conversations about bias, being excluded, being overlooked, being talked over, being dismissed, or being disrespected. Even though I shared many details of my work environment, I was never asked questions about systems, racism, sexism, or any other isms.
Thankfully, I finally found a Black therapist who deeply connected with me. Tenderly, she asked me questions that made me feel genuinely heard and understood. Because of her own experiences, she never questioned my experiences or realities. She didn’t ask for painful examples or embarrassing details that made me feel more ashamed. She didn’t pepper me with questions to devalue or discount the effects of ongoing corporate abuse. She KNEW!
During my sessions with her, she gently explained how I unknowingly colluded with harmful historical systems and narratives that robbed me of my agency, health, and self-respect. And through her wisdom, love, and spiritually infused strategies, I started a powerful healing journey. I began to learn and unlearn messages that made me doubt my value, ability, and brilliance. Most importantly, I began to remember and believe in the power of MY story, identity, and ancestral wisdom.
The healing process was painful and layered, yet soul-nourishing. Gradually, I started regaining my confidence, joy, and self-respect. I regained my agency and began working differently and more courageously with colleagues and saboteurs. I also began reimagining my future as a Black professional and realized I had enormous potential that didn’t need to be validated by corporations.
My life-changing experience with a therapist who understood oppression and the sting of microaggressions – which are NOT micro at all – was one reason I started creating safe places for other Black women and women of color. I wanted to provide loving sanctuaries where women could grieve without judgment and grow without fear. I wanted to create spaces where women felt honored, celebrated, and affirmed—places where women didn’t need to compete or spiritually exhaust themselves to be seen or witnessed.
The truth is, when I entered corporate America, I unknowingly bet on a system because I didn’t know any better. For the first 10 years of my career, I played by the written rules of success, not the unspoken paths. Why? I was the first person in my family to work in corporate settings and didn’t know what it meant to bet on myself in corporate environments. Honestly, I just didn’t know how to navigate or advocate for myself; I wasn’t taught the political games. In the early 1990s and even today, there were few mentors, sponsors, or allies willing to extend a hand to support people who looked like me.
If you feel you are betting on a system instead of seeing your brilliance, I would love to help. For over 25 years, I have worked with some amazing women and have helped them rethink, retool, and reimagine their careers in ways that honored their souls.
I am still in corporate America and doing work I enjoy. But because I see myself differently and fully – I see myself BEYOND the limitations of systems –Â I have also been able to build a successful business, write books, coach executives, serve as a minister in a progressive congregation, and help some big-hearted people DARE TO SOAR HIGHER in every aspect of their lives.
Bet ON YOURSELF!
You have everything you need encoded and loaded in your DNA to create a soul-nourishing career inside and outside organizations.
BET ON YOURSELF!
You got this!
Blessings!
SharRon
What did this little girl want?
