Are You Just Being Needed or Being Valued?
Many great causes and movements need YOU.
Why?
Our communities are in crisis. The world is full of worthy causes, urgent concerns, and endless calls for help. And if you are justice-minded, heart-led, and spiritually grounded, it is natural to want to show up. To help. To heal. To contribute.
And let me say this clearly: your compassion is a sacred gift. It is what makes you human, generous, empathetic, and communal. Also, the philosophy of mutual aid is rooted in our cultural DNA.
But over time, without discernment, your desire to help can become a habit that costs YOU more than it heals the world.
Why?
Your desire to help, whether driven by internal needs or external teachings, can lead you to over-function, exploit your need for validation, or manipulate you into giving something you don’t have. ( I will address this experience in another blog or podcast.)
So, let’s have an honest conversation because being needed is not the same as being valued.
- Being needed means someone wants or expects your time, talent, or presence because it fills a gap or a role.
- Being needed is about filling a function, supplying resources, and providing expertise.
- Being needed is about always being on someone’s emergency response team or constantly being the go-to person.
- Being needed means that people will continue to use you without acknowledging that they are using you up!
Being valued is different, and it feels different to the body and soul.
Being valued means someone honors your being, your boundaries, and your well-being.
Being valued means that someone honors our brilliance and appreciates our bandwidth.
Being valued means that people appreciate your expertise but never expect your exhaustion.
Being valued means that people recognize your expertise and experience, but never feel entitled to either.
Being valued means that people and organizations know the difference between constant rescue and communal reciprocity.
Let me say it another way for the people in the back. đ
When youâre needed, you are often called in times of crisis, praised for what you produce, and expected to give without rest. Sounds familiar?
When youâre valued, you are included in the planning process, appreciated for your wisdom, allowed to have input, and seen as essential, not expendable.
This is why so many brilliant, big-hearted people are burned out. They are celebrated for their service, but silently suffer, feel unsupported, or feel siphoned. They are applauded for being helpful while feeling hollowed out inside. And to add insult to injury, the more they give, the more people take, demand, and expect.
So, if you feel overused, overcommitted, and underappreciated, pause. Not because the work is not important, but because you are important, too. You are a valuable part of any equation and a tremendous asset to any cause.
Also, you were not created to live in chronic sacrifice or be constantly overwhelmed, even if the organization is doing meaningful, necessary work. You were also made for joy, rest, and soul-deep alignment.
Hereâs a tool I use to check in with my spirit and body before saying yes to any request to serve, volunteer, or accept an assignment.
Pause. Process. Proceed. Walk in Peace.
Pause â If it is NOT a life and death situation, pause. Donât rush into yesâstill yourself. Slow down.
Process â Ask: Is this request or relationship aligned with my values and energy? Is this request a pattern or a partnership?
Proceed â Only if the exchange is rooted in dignity, not just duty. Remember, every choice has a cost and consequence.
Walk in Peace â Honor your decision without feeling guilty, knowing that your “no” can be just as holy as your “yes.”
Letâs normalize asking:
– Who honors me while asking for my help?
– Where do I feel seen, not just summoned?
– What opportunities allow me to contribute and stay connected to my humanity, dignity, and joy?
– What feels aligned with my path, purpose, destiny, or interest?
The world needs you – the whole you. The rested you. The respected you. The radiant you.
Here’s the question: What version of YOU are you giving to yourself, offering to the world, or volunteering to the cause? Are you operating from overflow or overwhelm?
I share more thoughts about feeling needed vs feeling valued in the newest episode of Deciding To Soar: Living Life Your Own Way. It’s available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and other podcast platforms. Please subscribe when you visit, leave a review, or send me an email to share your thoughts.
Also, if you have been struggling to say NO and discern where to share your time, I want to invite you to a workshop: Wholeness: Living Free in a Confining World â A Spiritual Strategy for Saying Yes to Yourself Without Shame. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk about issues and create solutions when you don’t feel alone. Join us and dare to serve in a way that sustains you.
I know this is a controversial perspective, and may seem hypocritical coming from me, a minister, but we have to talk about always BEING NEEDED. You deserve rest.
Blessings to you as you discern where and when to spend your precious time!
SharRon