Tag: emotional healing

A couple of days ago, I posed this question to my coaching community.

What do you do to cope when your soul KNOWS that you are not fulfilling your dreams, pursuing your divine call, or living up to your potential?

One person said: “Every day, I come home and drink a bottle of wine because I know I am settling in my career. My manager is crazy, and I know I should leave the job, but I have invested 25 years at the company, and I only need a few more years to get my full benefits. I hate it but am stuck.”

The second person said: “When I come home, I smoke weed. I want to leave my job, but my family relies on me for money; they need my income. I am the only financially responsible person in my family, and I don’t want to end up like my siblings….broke.”

The third person said:  “When I feel sad, I make waffles, and I put lots of syrup on them, and the sweetness helps me feel better.”

The fourth person said: “When I feel upset, I sing, dance, and worship and try to connect with God. Praise makes me feel better.”

The last person said: “I am scared, and I always worry that time will run out before I ever get to really enjoy my life. I fear I will die before I see my dreams come true.”

After everyone courageously shared, it became apparent that everybody was suffering because they were not living the life they wanted or hoped to live. They were coping, sleep walking, compromising, or just surviving, but no one was fully enjoying their lives.

Honestly, their experiences resonated with me because there have been many times in my life when I was merely existing, not boldly living. I was often weary, sad, and totally disconnected from my higher self throughout my twenties and early thirties.

Have you ever felt that way?

What I know for sure …. There is nothing that can assuage the painful feelings of self-doubt, desperation, and demoralization.

No amount of wine can lift the heaviness of feeling like you are settling for crumbs or selling your soul.

No amount of weed can get you high enough to silence the inner demons that try to convince you that you are unwanted, unworthy, and unwelcomed.

Not even the tastiest waffles can remove the bitter taste of regret, resentment, and resignation that results from not honoring your God-given gifts or following your unique path.

And even though I believe in worship, I know that the euphoria of praise is not enough to radically change your life if you won’t take courageous action toward your dreams.

Finally, I can testify that worrying is futile. Worrying fixes nothing! All that worry does is make you feel exhausted, disempowered, and hopeless.

What I have learned in my sometimes painful, zigzagging life journey is that ONLY addressing your unspoken wounds, admitting your unacknowledged dreams, and owning your unmet needs will help you and heal you.

That’s the truth. Honesty is the only antidote to healing, emotional health, and hope.

Let’s be candid….some people reading this message will judge these courageous women because it’s easy to criticize and condemn people when they are honest about the ways they manage their spiritual and emotional pain.

But what is more difficult is looking in the mirror and honestly assessing how you are quieting your fears, silencing your doubts, delaying your dreams, and numbing your discontent.

Granted, it might not be wine, weed, and waffles that soothe you, but it is something that quiets those voices that admonish you to try harder, live bolder, and strive further.

Or, it might not even be worry, worship, and work that anesthetizes your feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, or despair. But it is something that helps you endure your feelings of abandonment, marginalization, and desperation.

But trust me, whatever helps you manage and endure your toxic feelings, especially your feelings of mediocrity and misery, prevents you from living a fulfilling life full of joy, deep peace, or true meaning.

So, as 2021 comes to a close, I encourage you to think critically about your life. I urge you to dream again and imagine what genuine connection, meaningful work, and unspeakable joy could feel like in your life. I beg you to look within and search your heart so you can remember how incredibly gifted, how needed, and deeply loved you are.

My friend, you don’t have to just cope with your painful feelings, because you have the power to change whatever needs to be changed in your life, so you can have peace, joy, and hope.

Remember, you are powerful, and you have what it takes to recreate and recalibrate your life.

All you need to do is remember, reclaim, and revive your ability to SOAR!

Wine, weed, and waffles!

I have not tried to ease my emotional suffering with any of those. But I have been guilty of coping with my pain by drowning myself in work, engaging in empty “wishing,” and jeopardizing my health with endless worry. Sometimes I still struggle because I am always a work in progress, and you probably are too. Am I right?

Please let me know your thoughts.

I hope to work with you soon.

Never forget….it’s time for you to DARE TO SOAR HIGHER and take your rightful place in the world so you can experience a new level of life, joy, prosperity, and belonging.

To listen to a few more thoughts about the subject, click here.

Blessings!

SharRon

The other day, someone told me that my desires and dreams were inappropriate.

Not appropriate?

What she really meant was that I should behave in ways that society deemed and defined as “suitable” for a person like me. Since I am a Black middle-aged woman who plays basketball, challenges religious views, travels alone, makes her own rules, and encourages other women to confront social rules, to her, my actions were inappropriate.

My so-called “friend” and mentor thought she was offering me sage advice. But I reminded her I was the ONLY person who could determine what was appropriate for me because I was the ONLY one who knew my heart, mind, and soul.

Of course, my response didn’t land well. But what my friend didn’t understand was that I NEVER planned or aspired to be appropriate; that was NEVER my goal or intention.

My guiding principle is to ALWAYS follow my heart and heed my own inner compass.

And when you follow your own conscience, convictions, and compass, you may not be appropriate. But you will be in alignment.

Just for the record: alignment is always more relevant, more powerful, and more authentic than being “appropriate.”

Why? Alignment ensures that you honor your unique wisdom, talents, strengths, wisdom, personality, and all the other attributes that your Creator gave you to do your divine work, mission, or purpose.

So be leery of people telling you what’s appropriate for you based on your color, your size, your age, your sexual orientation, your faith, your educational level, or whatever factor they use to confine you to a specific context, paradigm, lifestyle, or label. Be YOU, all of you, and live in alignment with your divine destiny and beyond the suffocating status quo.

Next week, I will offer some tips to help you discern what’s in alignment for you. 

But for now, don’t forget that being appropriate will only make you settle and limit you to outdated rules and identities that will rob you of your joy, agency, and truth. So, be sure to strive for alignment.

Thank you so much for reading this message, and I hope you have a very inappropriate day! (smile)

I hope this message finds you well, safe, and committed to being YOU, the real you.

And as you are being YOU, I wanted to share something that is stretching me to take more radical action in my life. I hope it inspires you, too.

So here it goes….

My parents were teenage parents. By the time they were 18, there were 2 of us, me and my older sister, so I literally grew up with my parents.

Though young and financially poor, I watched my parents complete college, struggle to make ends meet, serve in the community, challenge convention, work for equality, and pastor churches. Of course, creating a life for themselves and a growing family wasn’t easy. They endured racism, sexism, and lots of other isms that almost derailed their progress. Yet, they persevered.

Survival made our lives a bit unpredictable. Sometimes we had heat, food, and a phone, and sometimes we didn’t. Still, we endured.

Of course, I periodically complained about not having the basics and a few luxuries. But when I complained about wearing thrift store clothes, eating government cheese, and chewing on day-old bread, my parents didn’t reprimand me; they encouraged me. They told me I was investing in my future, and they reminded me that the sacrifices I make as a child would pay off when I was an adult.

My father said, “Hang in there and use your imagination so you can see what’s possible for your life.”

Imagination? I wondered how imagination could bring me nice clothes, new shoes, popcorn at the movies, and hot fried chicken. Of course, my childhood desires wanted immediate gratification.

My father explained that my imagination was a gift and that it would guide me to success if I used it daily. And you know, my father was right. My imagination helped me see possibilities and opportunities that cleared my eyes and stirred my heart. It helped me see way beyond my conditions, expertise, and circumstances; it filled me with hope. Even today, I look at my life and wonder how a poor little Black girl like me could grow up to live in such a beautiful home, get to do meaningful work, and have such loving relationships.

I am grateful that I used my imagination.

So, here is what I want you to do.

Close your eyes and release your imagination. Let your imagination run wild so you can see what you truly desire. Let your imagination room to a new realm beyond mere reality.

Let your imagination show you and grow you.

Let it show you how to create new beginnings from painful endings, big opportunities from big obstacles, unlimited potential from unimaginable pain, great advantages from great adversity, and endless love from crippling loss.

IMAGINE!!!!

Imagine what you can do and be if you widen your vision and take one small step forward to what you really desire.

Imagine what you could do if you worried less about making people happy or fitting into norms, labels, and closets.

Imagine what you could try if you trusted yourself to seek, fail, rebound, pivot, shift, and reimagine your life.

Imagine what you could do if you used your education, training, and lived wisdom to create a life that feels more honest, harmonious, and whole.

Imagine how living in peace and joy could extend your life, rest your mind, and heal your body.

Imagine!

Let your vision guide you to victory!

Let your insight spur your initiative.

Let your wisdom help you win.

Let your longing inform your legacy.

IMAGINE!!

My parents had few resources, but they imagined that their life could be different for their children…. for me.

Today, as you are daring to SOAR higher than your circumstances, conditioning, and the anxiety caused by the craziness in the world, remember to imagine.

IMAGINE what’s possible, believe the inconceivable, and trust that you can do the unbelievable.

You can do it! And most of all, you don’t have to do it alone. I can help.

Blessings!

SharRon

The other day, somebody mentioned that her values were important to her.

I said, “Really. What are your values.”

She shared them, and I was shocked. She said she valued diversity, inclusion, openness, and authenticity.

I was floored because she constantly made statements that were racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, and elitist.

She constantly shared her opinion about who “exhibited leadership qualities” and who had gravitas.

She was quick to talk about “those people” and why something wasn’t fair to people who “really worked hard.”  Code: white entitlement.

Thankfully, I was on zoom call. I turned off my camera because I know my face showed that I was not only perplexed but incredulous. It was too comical to be angry.

I didn’t have the energy to engage her or discuss her thoughts, even though she did her best to get my feedback.

For my mental health, I no longer participate in conversations about DEIJ when I don’t feel like it or when there is limited ROI. I no longer sign up for emotional labor unless I feel called to it.

The truth is, our values are personal, but they should NOT be private. People close to you or people who work with you should be able to identify what you stand for and what matters to you.

In other words, you should live in such a way that everybody can see what guides and governs your life.

My elders should use to say, ” I should be able to know a few things by how you do a few things.” Hmmmm…..

So today, ask yourself how you are demonstrating, modeling, expressing, or supporting your values?

If you are not representing what you believe or what you support, what can you do to make your personal values come alive so that you are a change agent or a role model for what you espouse?

Just a thought!

What do you think?

I can’t wait to hear from you.

Blessings, SharRon

Most of my life I was called a misfit. Most of the groups I so desperately wanted to join rejected me, excluded me, or ridiculed me. They said that I was weird, but I wasn’t weird. I was just different, too different, to fit into groups that demanded blind conformity.

Thankfully,  I realized that my definition of “misfit” was not the same as theirs. To me, a “misfit” was a courageous person who refused to fit into places and with people who could not accept how God made them. So, I accepted I was a “mis-fit” because I realized that I was a circle who people wanted to fit in a square hole. I was a “mis-fit” because I was a person who demanded to live my own life without the permission or approval of others. I was a “mis-fit” because I refused to follow traditions that trapped me, norms that nullified me, doctrines that devalued me, or stereotypes that subjugated me. I was “mis-fit” because I refused to abandon my destiny, my vision, and my divine assignment. I was divinely different.

As a leader, creative, and visionary, I bet you have been called a “mis-fit” too. And how wonderful is that!

How brave of you to live on your own terms and not succumb to the status quo.

How audacious of YOU to not shrink your vision, silence your voice, and squash your dreams to fit into someone else’s version of reality.

How daring of you to lift your voice for others, love who you want to love, and live in a way that illuminates the darkest parts of the world?

How amazingly brave!

My friend, you are wondrous, Spirit-created, and God-inspired design. You were never made nor expected to be a clone, an imposter, or an actor who faded into the crowd. You were created to be different to make a difference —  to be the salt of the earth, to add value, and to accessorize the ordinary.

So, please do NOT fit in; stand out and stand up! The world needs you to walk in all of your uniqueness so that you can demonstrate the diversity, the creativity, and the divinity of a loving God.

(excerpt from Deciding To Soar 2: Unwrapping Your Purpose. Click here to order.

Blessings!

Today is a good day to start a fight!

No, I am not talking about violence, but I am talking about starting a fight in 3 critical areas.

First, this week, start a fight to be more of yourself.

Yes, be yourself, even if people try to pressure you to be who they want you to be. Resist conformity and accommodation. Stand strong even when individual and systemic pressures attempt to restrict, sway, or sabotage you. And remember to stay alert because sometimes the pressure to comply is so insidious that you may unconsciously succumb to beliefs that don’t align with your truth.

Remember, you have agency and inner wisdom. You can prevent subtle suggestions and harmful narratives from controlling your mind in a way that renders you a slave to public opinion or to the superficial status quo. You are just that powerful!

Secondly, fight against mediocrity.

In a world that pressures people to be average, it is easy to underperform or do just enough to get by. Doing the least possible can be appealing, especially when your brilliance intimidates some and confuses others.

But despite people misunderstanding you or challenging your perspective, strive for excellence and precision. Continue to do your best, even if people are not clapping for you or praising you. Do your best to make yourself proud. That alone will boost your self-confidence, and that’s something to fight for.

Finally, fight against being mean.

COVID has all of us a bit discouraged and anxious. Everywhere you look, people are frowning, frustrated, fearful, and acting foolish. People are stressed, exhausted, and physically overwhelmed.

But a kind word can be just the medicine that a stressed-out parent, healthcare provider, teacher, caregiver, or essential worker needs to make it through the day. Being cordial, grateful, and extending mercy could bring cheer to someone’s heart and provide the levity they need to endure another day. Remember, you are a thermostat, not a thermometer. You can establish and sustain a climate for positivity. You don’t need to settle for just registering the climate.

So this week, start a fight, a good fight.

And after you win your battles, extend a hand to someone else!

You can listen to the message by clicking here.

If you are seeking new ways to fight to be the highest version of yourself, “You Can Depend On You” is starting soon. Click here to learn more. 

Remember you don’t have to settle for a life you learned to live, you can create a life you love!

Blessings!

SharRon

As a child, my elders told me that if you pay attention to your life, it will teach you what you need to know, where you need to grow, and where you need to go.

I never really thought much about that lesson, but over this last year, life has taught me many lessons about what I should be and should not be doing. If you are a big-hearted, socially aware person, you probably feel that life has taught you a lot during the last 18 months, too.

So this year, as I do every year around my birthday, I reflect on the critical lessons I learned during the twelve preceding months. It’s an understatement to say that this year the lessons were insightful and profound. Living amid a global pandemic, dealing with constant civil unrest, dealing with racial reckoning, and enduring an international quarantine encouraged me to reflect deeply about how I was living, loving, and leading.

So, during this week, I invite you to think about the critical lessons you learned in 2020, and what lessons you are learning today. I have provided a few prompts for you.

• How did you learn to create more love, more peace, and more joy in your life amid the chaos?

• What were the major lessons that you had to unlearn and relearn to reclaim harmony, restore relationships, and reimagine how you engage the world?

• Where in your life are you marginalizing, minimizing, trivializing, and stigmatizing your own vision, your own goals, and your own desires?

• Where in your life are you still tied to patterns and perspectives that are sabotaging your growth?

• How can you better embrace your worthiness, commit to more self-care, and connect more profoundly with your loved ones?

The answers to these questions may require that you consciously reset your priorities, rethink your childhood, and create new environments so you can flourish and thrive. Your answers may even require you to take some risks and make new investments in yourself and others.

Even though a bit chaotic, this season offers enormous possibilities. And if you walk with courage, be resilient, and envision wholeness for yourself and others, you will launch into a new dimension of joy.

Wishing you well as you Dare To Soar HIGHER!

Blessings,

SharRon

*P.S. Sign up for my newsletter to get access to my private podcast. Click here.

As you start a new month, I have a hard question for you.

Have you ever wanted to go for a promotion or start a business but felt inadequate?

Have ever felt you were not qualified enough, did not have the right degree, and didn’t have the right connections to pursue your dreams?

I have. Early in my career, I would interview for job after job, but never land the promotions I desired and earned.

I grew really frustrated because I knew that the folks who landed the positions were not more skilled or educated than I was. Heck, I even trained some of them.

Of course, there were many factors working against me. I was a young, Black woman and the biopharmaceutical industry was not ready to embrace diversity, especially without a fight.

After being looked over and picked apart, I told my father that I was leaving corporate America. But I also admitted that I feared failing as an entrepreneur.

He said, “SharRon, if you can’t trust yourself, trust your track record.”

Whew.. that statement was the jolt I needed to help me remember all the successes that shaped my career. That one brief statement encouraged me to take a jog down memory lane and I realized I had shattered many glass ceilings, smashed a few paradigms, and kicked in numerous closets. Yes, I had a track record of success.

Why is it important to review your track record? 

As you pursue your purpose, you will be forced to take some risks. And when you do, it’s always helpful to have a few people to remind you of your mastery, abilities, and capacity to overcome obstacles. It’s also extremely wise to have a strong inner core, which I define as a group of people who can help you rise to the occasion and help you resist the spirit of fear. For me, my inner core included my father.

Over the weekend, take a close inventory of your friends and determine which friends have the traits and the mentality to be in your inner core. Use the MRS framework to help you identify which friends most align with your needs, dreams, and goals. And then make some needed adjustments so you can SOAR.

I have provided a quick overview of the MRS framework for you to review.

• M = People with whom you enjoy Meaningful Mutuality
• R = People who help you RISE, REST, RECOVER, and RESIST
• S = People who are Spiritually aware, awakened, and live. 

We all need people who believe in us; our friendships are critical to our calling. That’s why, in “You Can Depend On You,” I dedicate an entire module to identifying and cultivating healthy connections. If you are going to become the highest version of yourself, gather and engage with people who can share their wisdom, time, and talent with you. Find a great core for your calling!

Remember, you can depend on yourself to foster relationships with helpful, faithful folks. Even if you made some poor selections in the past, as I did, you can still trust yourself to make positive “friend” choices today.

In my newest book, Deciding To Soar 2:Unwrapping Your Purpose, I dedicate 10 chapters on the topic of friendships. Be sure to order it today, and if you enjoy it, please leave a review. Click here to order.

Blessings!

SharRon